We're Gonna Get Those Bastards
by Agent47Rulz
Summary: Join in the adventures of Hunter, Smoker, Boomer, and Tank as they try to stop the survivors from leaving the city and maintain a good home life too. Chapter 14: The southern infected want the northern ones out, and both groups of survivors get aquainted.
1. And The Chaos Begins

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 1

Faint sounds of crumbling gravel echoed through the walls of an abandoned warehouse located on the outskirts of a large city. The gravel caved in under the weight of four pairs of worn shoes, slivers of light waving around rapidly from flashlights docked onto various heavy weapons.

These heavily armed weapons were gripped by pairs of equally sweaty palms, labored breathing coming from the individuals. The main one out in front of the pack was obviously more adept to combat, shown by his current attire of a Vietnam era Army uniform and assault rifle.

The second was a man who seemed more rough around the edges, a burlesque biker wielding a pump action shotgun and waving it rapidly around the room for oncoming threats.

The third and more petite of the group was a young and fairly good looking woman clad in a casual red sweat shirt and pants. She calmy paced herself, aiming her two colt .45 handguns behind the group for any ambushes by groups of the horde.

The fourth and more jittery of the group was a young African American man who you could tell was not the fighting type by his heavy breathes and current attire of a dishevled office suit. He was currently in possession of a light sub-machine gun and clutched it to his chest for dear life as he took uncertain steps through the seemingly desolate warehouse.

The group of four came to a large metal door and after carefully sliding it open, took careful steps inside, immediatly on guard as a distant growl echoed throughout the large opening of the main warehouse, "Keep on guard...Hunter" Bill muttered, his cigarette clutched between his gritted teeth as the team huddled closer together.

Up on the rafters of the aging enclosure a pair of demented red orbs glared intently at the back of a succulent red sweatshirt, the female occupier blissfully unaware of her approaching doom as the Hunter licked his lips and took a few woobly steps down the thin girder.

Zoey sighed as they walked past a row of windows, suddenly feeling very exposed when she suddenly felt the ground get wet. Moving the flashlight to the ground she was slightly agasp as a severed torso leaked blood over the solid concrete floor and began to lose her footing when the red liquid dug into her running shoes.

On the edge of the rafter the Hunter grinned as it perched on the edge of the iron girder before sharply pushing forward and heading towards the unsuspecting group with a ghastly shriek.

Zoey gasped as she fully lost her footing in the pool of blood and fell on her butt, the Hunter's eyes widening as his target disappeared from site, replaced by a stationary glass window.

The group immediatly tensed as shattering glass caught their ears, the Hunter giving a painful yell from the other side of window as he lay on the grass, motionless.

"Group together!" Bill screamed as a small group of infected began to emerge from a nearby door, Zoey stumbling to her feet and joining in.

Out in the distance on the third row of a long shelf, a tall man with deformed face, emitting a thick green smoke, grinned as obnoxious gagging noises came from it's drooling mouth which housed it's long tounge.

Spotting a delectable target clad in a biker jacket the Smoker sucked in it's breath before shooting out it's abnormal appendage and wrapping it around the bewildered man.

Francis gasped as the tounge wrapped itself around his torso, trapping his arms against his sides and causing his precious weapon to clatter to the ground.

The group suddenly caught on as Francis's cries for help began to become more distant, and they soon began to charge through the group of undead towards their helpless friend.

The Smoker began to take a few steps back on the rickety boards to back away from the oncoming threat while continuing to reel in his prey. His foot brushed past a large metal container that seemed to contain a liquid from the muffeled swishing sound that came from within it.

Suddenly the metal tank fell over and the Smoker grimaced slightly at the bitter taste of gasoline as it trailed down his tounge. Over with the survivors it seemed that Zoey had caught on to this as she pointed a carefully aimed .45 at the tounge and with the pull of a trigger the tounge erupted in a fury of flames.

The Smoker's eyes widened as his tastebuds were all simultaniously cinged, releasing Francis and frantically sprinting down the shelf, screaming with tears in his eyes and waving his long arms around in a panic.

All of the survivor's eyes widened at the seemingly humorous display until the ground began rumbling and the wall suddenly disappeared in a shower of deadly splinters revealing the massive abomination called a Tank.

The Tank roared dispite having no jaw and began to stomp towards the petrified group and if matters couldn't get any worse, a disgusting gurgling sound caught Louis's ears and as the others began to open fire on the Tank, the man turned around and gasped as a Boomer began to take in a deep breath.

"Down!" Louis screamed and pulled the others to the ground as the Boomer let out a stream of vomit that arched over the heads of the survivors and dosed the Tank directly.

The Tank stood motionless in shock as the puke began to slowly drip down it's massive pecs. Everything became silent before the distant sounds of enraged infected echoed throughout the building and as the Tank glared daggers at the embarrased Boomer, he was soon engulped by an army of undead.

The Tank began to lash out wildly as the decrepit undead piled onto his back and arms, trying to get a taste of the Boomer's irresistable fluids. In a blind rage the beast clashed it's arm on the shelf that held the burning Smoker and it soon came toppling down on the Tank and the Boomer.

The group of four stood silent as they took in the current setup of the warehouse. Groans came from the smoldering wreck, a cinged tounge tangled up in a massive bicep which rested on top of an obese stomach.

After casting a quick glance towards the broken window, the group ever so slowly began to inch towards the approaching safehouse before breaking out into a full sprint and slamming the familiar red door shut behind them.

A half hour later on one of the many decaying streets which held dozens of infected who paced around aimlessly, four abominations of different sizes, shapes, and probably species trudged through the heavy rain, "What the fuck happened back there?!" the hooded beast screamed towards the other three who glared back at him.

"Hey you were the one that was supposed to jump that bitch in the warehouse, instead you decide to go through the window" the Smoker retorted before giving a thick weeze of green smoke. "Yeah Hunter that Zoey bitch really got the best of you" the obese member of the group laughed.

Hunter glared at his friend, "Oh go eat a cheeseburger you fat fuck. At least I didn't puke all over the wrong person." The Boomer rubbed the back of his head awkwardly and look over to the Tank, "Sorry about that big guy." In response the Tank raised it's hands up and roared as his friends covered their ears in agony.

All four of the group glared at each other before their expressions softened from the faint sound of weeping. "The hell is that?" Smoker asked as they descended down a long and winding alleyway.

Coming to the end the four raised their eyebrows (For those who had them) at the sight of a pale girl in tattered clothing, her long bloodied hair covering her sobbing face as she lay on her hands and knees in the rain.

"Aww it's a little girl...lets kill her" the Hunter grinned sadistcally as the others sighed and decided to let the Hunter murder the seemingly innocent female. Flexing his claws the hooded member took a few casual steps towards his helpless crying victim, "Don't worry little girl...death shall be your release" he laughed and raised his claw up in the air.

His eyes immediatly widened as the sobs began to turn into heavy breathing and then into labored growls. As the Hunter began to take a step back the girl raised her head up to reveal a pair of crimson devil eyes.

_! HUNTER HAS STARTLED THE WITCH_

Smoker, Boomer, and Tank watched amazed as their friend was abruptly speared into the ground before a violent lash of claws tore away at his flesh, "Ah oh God the pain!" Hunter screamed as the Witch ripped out guts and organs that would kill a normal man.

The three were transfixed though, like watching a train wreck. But as if simultaniously snapping out of it the Smoker shot it's tounge out and pulled the Hunter away from the crazed female and into their group, "Christ talk about massive PMS!" Boomer screamed as the Witch lept onto a nearby drain pipe and onto a roof before disappearing into the distance.

Boomer, Tank, and Smoker crowded around their downed team-mate who coughed up blood and looked towards the sky with glassy eyes, "Hunter you alright? How many fingers are you holding up?" Smoker asked as he held the Hunter's severed hand in front of him.

Fearing that their friend was dead they were relieved to here muffled gurgles coming from an attempt to speak. Leaning in they immediatly thought they misheard the man who smiled at them, "I think i'm in love."

_Author's Notes: Well there you have it. Please tell me what you think of the story idea and setup. Reviews are always appreciated, also thanks for reading._


	2. To Woo A Witch

_Author's Notes: Hello all, and welcome to Hunter's demonstration of how to bag your crush, and if a hooded creature can bag a bi-polar bitch then you should have no problem using these tactics. Anyway, enjoy. P.S. Thanks for those who reviewed and favorited my story._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 2

**Tactic 1: Direct approach**

A violent storm rocked the rundown streets of the city as mindless infected stumbled back and forth in sporadic and aimless patterns.

However as the horde walked on, a single frailer infected was currently on her hands and knees, crying like no tommorow as the rain drenched her tattered undergarments and hair.

The witch stared at her red eyes in a small reflector pool of rain water, causing a new wave of tears to escape her eyes as she was reminded of what she had become.

But unbeknownst to her while she cried out in pain and suffering, an inconciderate and cocky hooded creature hid behind a nearby car along with a taller man emitting green smoke.

"You sure about this Hunter?" Smoker asked before heaving up a green puff of smoke. The Hunter in question only grinned his pointed teeth at his friend, "Relax Smoke, when I was a normal guy I was real popular with the ladies."

Smoker sighed and leaned against the car as his oblivious friend waltzed over towards the sobbing tortured soul.

The Witch had just begun to choke on her sobs before she halted as the nearby pitter patter of feet on puddles caused her to look up. Upon seeing the obnoxious Hunter from earlier she immediatly let out a menacing growl.

The Hunter paused only for a second as the Witch held her ground and flashed her claws, before putting on a smirk and sitting down next to the unimpressed creature, "Hey cutie you sure did a number on me earlier."

The Witch looked at him slightly confused and the Smoker was amazed at the way Hunter was smooth talking the obviously unstable woman.

However just as Smoker thought that his friend had a chance at bagging the Witch, Hunter decided to take a more up front approach, "So how about you make it up to me and we go make out behind that dumptser."

Smoker's jaw dropped causing his tounge to unravel onto the ground, and he wasn't the least bit suprised as a giant shriek of pain echoed through the air.

A few seconds later Smoker sighed as Hunter walked back over, his severed hand shoved inside his mouth.

**Tactic 2: Romantic Music**

Witch sighed as she knelt down next to a small fountain in the city park, her claws cupping a small amount of water before slurping it up in contentment.

As she drank the fluids from the expensive looking statue, a hooded man crept into the park, a large electronic device grasped in his clawed hand.

Upon spotting his target at the fountain he gave a cheeky grin and set the boombox on the ground. Then reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small mix tape curtosey of Smoker.

Smoker said that he put songs on this tape specially for him so that he could woo his beloved. Silently thanking his friend he popped the tape into the machine.

The sound of the tape case closing caused the Witch to tense up and glance over to the Hunter. Holding his breath, Hunter was releaved that instead of just mauling the shit out of him at first eye contact she just cautiously watched his every movement.

Hunter was suprised that a Frank Sinatra came on but as he heard the lyrics he realized why Smoker had chosen this one.

_Those finger in my hair_

_That sly come hither stare_

_That strips my conscience bare_

_Its witchcraft_

Hunter grinned as the Witch's mouth slighlty hung open and he slowly pulled off his hood revealing a well toned body.

As he began to casually walk up to the girl the song abruptly cut off and was replaced by Queens Of The Stonage 'Burn the Witch'

_Bite your tongue, swear to keep  
Keep your mouth shut  
Make up something  
Make up something good...  
Holding hands  
Skipping like a stone  
Burn the witch  
Burn to ash & bone_

Hunter screamed in fright as he dashed over to the boombox and began to mess with the controls to get the song to stop.

Smoker was fucking dead next time he saw him, this wasn't his idea of a practical joke. The Witch only stared with disgust at the horrible song, before Hunter smacked the boombox causing the song to skip repeatidly on the same verse

_Burn the witch_

_Burn the witch_

_Burn the witch_

_Burn the witch_

"Cheap piece of crap!" he screamed and kicked the boombox through the air. Unfortunatly it didn't go the way he wanted it to as the Witch abruptly felt the plastic collide with her head.

All the color in Hunter's face disappeared as the Witch hung her head in silence, her hair covering her expressionless face.

Then all at once Hunter started to take careful steps back as the Witch's breathing began to grow heavier and louder, her shoulders tensing up and down with each breath.

With a shriek the Witch sped towards the Hunter who immediatly turned tail and tried to jump for the nearest building only to feel the weight of the girl tackle him to the ground, and the familiar feeling of sharp claws ravaging his back.

**Tactic 3: Jealousy**

Inside a dimly lit sewer tunnel a frale young woman in tattered clothing and pale skin sat against one of the stone walls, her knees up to her chest in a failed attempt to comfort herself as tears fell from her eyes.

The sobs suddenly died down as the Witch heard incoming footsteps and what sounded like muffeled cries for help.

Raising her head from her knees she looked out through the faint light to see what looked like the hooded jerk from earlier, and he seemed to have his arm around a young woman in a red sweat jacket who was currently sporting a cloth mouth gag and ropes tieing her arms behind her back.

Hunter saw that his target was looking at him and quickly turned his head towards his captive, "Gee Zoey this sure is a nice date don't you agree?"

Zoey's response was a firm heel to the foot of the Hunter who yelped in pain as his arm released from the tied up woman.

The female survivor began to make a break for it until she was quickly pulled back in with a yelp. Hunter put on his most diabolical face and was sure to flash his sharpened teeth as he leaned in close and whispered to Zoey,

"Listen bitch if you don't play along here I don't mind sending you back to your friends in pieces, you got me?" Zoey's eyes widened and she gave a quick nod as the Hunter pulled the cloth gag off her pouting lips.

Clearing his throat the Hunter again put his arm around Zoey and looked at her, "As I was saying, isn't this a wonderful date Zoey?"

Zoey gave her best smile and said in her sweetest voice, "Oh yes its every girl's dream to go on a romantic walk through a sewer with a hooded monster."

Hunter's eyes narrowed, "Don't push it lady" he muttered before both his and Zoey's eyes widened as the familiar angered breathing caused them to look over to the wall.

The Witch slowly stumbled to her feet and gripped her claws menacingly, Zoey and Hunter beginning to ease back.

As the Hunter was off guard Zoey was able to loosen her binds and pulled the handgun from her back pocket. To avoid detecton she aimed the gun below the Hunter's eyesight and fired off a shot into the creature's groin.

Hunter yelped in pain as he clutched his balls and fell onto his back. The witch trudged forward and Zoey closed her eyes, bracing for impact.

However when she didn't feel anything she slowly opened her eyes to see the Witch on top of the Hunter, clawing away at his flesh.

Zoey shrugged her shoulders and began to walk away to regroup with Bill, Francis, and Louis.

**Tactic 4: Gifts**

Hunter sighed as he walked through the city streets, several different shopping bags clutched in his claws. So far he had looted several items from the abandoned stores on the once busy market street.

Diamond rings, expensive chocolates, gold bracelets, and elegant dresses, he had them all in his hands for his beloved. As he passed by another large jewelery located across the street from the park he suddenly paused and glanced over to the familiar fountain in the middle.

There she was just sitting on the edge of the fountain and...not crying. Hunter watched in amazment as the water gently trickled down behind her from the large statues, her face giving off a silent elegant feel as she brushed her hair back and stared up at the moon.

Hunter subconsciously dropped all of his bags, the gifts suddenly seeming too materialistic for such an amazing creature.

Carefully easing down the small walkway he silently took a seat next to the woman who continued to stare up at the moon.

Hunter was horrified that she didn't know of his presence, and when she discovered him he would be feeling the familiar severing of his limbs.

What he didn't expect to was a soft, tired voice, "What do you want now?" Witch asked calmly without breaking eye contact with the moon, 'So...she can talk'.

"Just...just wanted to see what you were up to. You seem less...sad, when your here." Witch gave a sad smile and looked over to her stalker, "This was always my favorite spot to come to...you know...before the infection."

Hunter nodded in understanding as the Witch looked up at the moon again, "My parents would take me to this fountain and we would aways look up at the moon together."

Hunter didn't know what to say as he stared at the woman, and he felt that any type of advances or flirts were not only unnecessary at this time, but down right unreprehensable.

"The reason I cry-" Witch began and Hunter looked at her intently, "-Is because of all the happy memories that I can never experience again. But when I come to this fountain and think about all the memories I've had here...I feel at peace."

Hunter sighed and looked at the ground, his hands on his knees as the two enjoyed the rhytmic drickling of the water behind them.

Suddenly a dandelion growing in the crack of the walkway caught Hunter's attention. This small flower growing in front of the girl's favorite fountain suddenly seemed like a better present then all of the jewelery and clothing in all of the city.

Reaching down and plucking it with the tip of a sharp nail, he held it in front of the Witch who looked at it in slight confusion, "Here...for you" he muttered and slipped it onto the top of the girl's ear, spare strands of hair easing over it.

The Witch didn't say anthing, nor the Hunter as he got up and began to walk towards the distant park gates.

Halfway down the walkway he heard a voice from behind him, "Hey" As Hunter turned around to acknowledge her, a platnium chain necklace was held in front of his face by a clawed hand.

Raising an eyebrow he grasped the chain and looked at the Witch who currently had a faint blush on her face, "I...I was walking through a department store the other day and...t-thought this would match your...hoodie."

Hunter's eyes widened as the Witch turned her head away from him, the blush deepening. Then the Hunter grinned, 'So she doesn't hate me' he chuckled and the Witch was caught off guard as the Hunter pulled her into a tight hug.

Hunter smirked as he watched the Witch's face light up like a tomato before he felt a crushing punch to his stomach and fell to the ground, wind knocked out of him.

From his place on the ground the Witch growled and glared down at him, "Don't push your luck lover boy" she muttered and walked back towards the fountain.

* * *

Inside a large abandoned church on the outskirts of the city, three forms stood around a large table at the front of the many rows of chairs that once held hundreds of church-goers.

Where the podium once stood where devoted priests would preach love and affection for God, there was now three massive abominations, living proof that if God really did exist...he was _pissed_.

Tank watched intently as a ping pong ball went back and forth, on one side was Smoker and the other side was Boomer. As the game was down to the deciding point, Boomer was able to land a massive shot that caused the ball to bounce off Smoker's side and into the air.

Boomer and Tank watched with anticipation as the ball glided through the air before a paddle attached to a long tounge swatted it over Boomer's side and onto the ground, "Game. Set. Match" Smoker weezed with a cocky grin while holding the paddle with his tounge.

Boomer slammed down his paddle onto the table and glared at his friend, "What the hell, you can't use your tounge, that's cheating!" Smoker sucked back in his long appendage, "Sorry buddy, Tank your up."

Tank excitedly trotted over to Boomer's position and with his hip bumped the obese member away. Gripping the paddle which was way too small for his massive hand, he tossed the ball up in the air and gave it such a massive smack that it flew not only through the air, but also through a window.

Smoker glared at the gigantic smiling creature, "Way to go Hulk, now go get it." Tank immediatly sped off for the ball but headed towards the wall insead of the door, "N-n-n-no Tank, use the do-" _SMASH._

Smoker sighed as he watched Tank's massive form become more distant through the hole in wall that held a perfect outline of him. Then his eye's perked up as Hunter poked his head through the hole, "Wow you guys do some redecorating while I was gone?" he asked, slightly amused.

As Hunter walked in, Smoker immediatly noticed something, "Well well, I take it from the absence of your beloved that you struck out." Hunter decided to keep the fountain episode a secret for the time being, "Yeah i guess you can say that...btw I just wanted to thank you for giving me that mix tape, it really helped me out."

Smoker laughed, "Yeah sorry about that, I couldn't resist-hey what are you doing?" Smoker asked as Hunter walked up to Boomer and punched him directly in the gut.

Boomer's cheeks immediatly puffed out and he released a wave of greenish puke that flew through the air and dosed the gasping Smoker.

Hunter wasted no time as he dragged Smoker by his tounge up to the church's belltower. With a heave the puke covered Smoker found himself falling two stories and landing on the dirt in front of the building.

Getting up he looked up to the Hunter and put on a nervous smile as he noticed the rope for the bell in the Hunter's hands, "Ca-can't you take a joke Hunter?" he asked in more of a beg.

"Yeah...and jokes on you" he grinned and pulled the rope causing the bell to erupt in a symphony of noise. Smoker's eyes widened as the distant sounds of screechs and foosteps began to get closer.

_! Here They Come_

Hunter laughed as Smoker ran away screaming, dozens of the infected close behind him. As the Smoker's screams became more distant the hooded creature dangled his new chain necklace and looked up to the moon, 'We'll see each other soon...I know it.'

_Author's Notes: Well there you have it for chapter 2. I know this chapter was a little more romancy then humorous but in my next chapter its gonna be all humour. So give me a review and tell me what you think._


	3. The Problem With Doors

_Author's Notes: I've decided to take up some of the suggestions people have put in their reviews and add them into this chapter. If your suggestion wasn't in this chapter it doesn't mean I won't use it in future chapters._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 3

The seemingly desolate train tracks gave way to rising clouds of smoke as isolated pockets of fire cinged the wooden spikes and heated up the iron girders of the tracks to a fine red color.

On a large bridge the tracks came to an abrupt halt to a pile of wreckage formely known as transit 42, most cars turned over on a 90 degree angle or up in the air at crazy altitudes.

However one long train car remained up right on the narrow path of metal, and inside a young girl gripped the handle of her sub-machine gun, a faint bead of sweat trailing down her for-head in anticipation.

Zoey almost jumped out of her skin as a stern hand was placed on her shoulder, distracting her from her current task of shining a flashlight down the barren tracks.

Turning around she glared daggers at Francis, "What the heck are we doing waiting here for Zoey? Rescue is gonna leave us if we don't haul ass."

Zoey humphed and focused her attention back to the thin steel bars of the red door, "Their out there...waiting for us." Francis raised an eyebrow, "Who...the zombies? No shit."

"No you oblivious bastard, the special infected...I know they are just waiting for us to come out." Zoey's voice was definatly paranoid and Francis, Louis, and Bill all exchanged worried glances before the college student fired a few shots off through the bars.

"You hear me?! I know your out there, show yourselves!!!" Things were quiet for a few seconds before all the survivor's eyes widened at a distant groaning voice,

"No we're not!" They then heard a faint weeze, "Shut the fuck up Hunter! We are supposed to be hidin-...I mean..._Squeak Squeak..._I am a mouse."

"And I'm a chicken" "Boomer what would a chicken be doing in the city?" "Oh, I thought we were supposed to say our favorite animal." Everyone eased their ears towards the bars to get a listen in on the conversation.

40 meters away underneath the bridge, balancing on the rafters with the river below was Hunter, Smoker, and Boomer.

Smoker was currently glaring his one visible eye at Boomer and Hunter for blowing their cover, "Damnit guys, we've been waiting here for over 14 hours for those guys to come out, and now you do this?"

Hunter threw his hands up in frustraton, almost losing his balance in the process, "Well why the hell are we here anyway?! Tank could easily just pry that door off and smash those bastards."

"We haven't seen Tank since he ran off looking for that damn ping pong ball. We gotta find something else to get them outta there." All three sat on the rafters overlooking the river below and thought in silence.

Boomer's face suddenly lit up, "I got it!" Smoker and Hunter grinned at their friend, "You do?" Hunter asked in anticipation, but was confused and crestfallen at the obese member's response, "The Zombie Action Force Foursome!"

Boomer's friend's eyes widened and thier jaws dropped as they stared at their grinning friend, "What?!" they yelled in unison.

"For our team name." After a hack and a weeze Smoker continued to glare at his friend. However he was suprised when Hunter cut in, "Nah nah that won't do. Saying foursome is gonna make the survivors think we are having butt sex when we aren't chasing them."

Boomer nodded in understanding, Smoker stared in disgust, and Hunter pondered a new name, "How about, Hunter... and the three fugly freaks."

Smoker and Boomer glared at them, "And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?!" Smoker yelled at his friend who grinned back at him, "Well its obvious that out of the four of us, I'm the last one even remotely good looking."

Hunter flashed his fangs in a cocky grin as his friend's enraged snarls fueled his ego, "I mean what girl would want a fat puking blob, a weezing creep emitting green smoke with a long tounge, and a gigantic jawless retard on steroids?"

Smoker humphed, "And whos gonna want a howling lunatic who wears the same stupid hoodie everyday?" Smoker asked and everything soon fell silent.

Up on the bridge in the saferoom all four survivors remained silent as the infected's conversation abruptly stopped. Then all four jumped as a Hunter's screech pierced the air.

Down on the rafters Smoker was taken back as Hunter pounced onto him and tried to maul him with his sharp claws, "You take that back you one eyed freak!"

Boomer's eyes widened as Smoker and Hunter struggled for control before they rolled too sharply to the side and fell off the side of the girders, plumeting to the river below.

"No!" the obese member screamed as he watched his friend's disappear into the fog below, their screams becoming more distant until only silence greeted him.

Staring into the murky abyss below, green tears began to swell up in Boomer's eyes but as he was about to cry he gasped in surpise as a long tounge emerged from the fog and wrapped itself around Boomer's fat neck.

Boomer struggled to keep his balance as a large amount of weight tried to pull him over. Through the fog he could make out a distant voice, "Pull us up fatso!" Hunter screamed and Boomer wasted no time grasping the slimey tounge with his chubby fingers and pulling with all his might.

The obese infected felt a wave of relief wash over him as he made out his friends through the thicket of fog and with one final pull, Hunter and Smoker were back on the rafters.

Hunter patted his friend on the back, "We owe you one there big guy." Boomer smirked but both him and Hunter watched intently as Smoker began to climb up the rafters onto the bridge surface.

"Screw this waiting, I'm just gonna strangle them with my tounge through those God damn bars, and-WHERE THE HELL DID THEY GO?!"

Boomer and Hunter quickly climbed up onto the bridge with their friend and all three of their jaws dropped at the distant vacant saferoom, red door flung open carelessly.

As the special infected mindlessly gazed at nothing, they heard a faint whisper, "Francis stop groping my ass" "Then don't stick your ass where my hand is groping."

Turning around they saw in the distance, the four survivors all crouched down and silently heading towards a small house, meters away from them.

This crouching turned into full blown sprinting as Hunter gave a shriek and lunged towards them, "Yeah get them Hunter!" Smoker screamed as both him and Boomer raced after them.

"Shit shit shit!" Francis screamed as Louis threw open the door to the house and ran in, followed by Bill then Zoey and as Francis began to make his way past the threshold, the wooden door was slammed in his face.

"Ow, let me in you assholes!" "No, not until you admit that you cheated in that poker game we had in the saferoom" Bill screamed from the other side. Francis cast a quick glance at the enclosing Hunter before looking back at the door.

"Jesus Christ, Bill are you serious?!" The old man gave a sadistic chuckle "I let people in my unit die back in Vietnam, don't think I won't let your cheating ass perish."

Pounding his fists on the door in a panic the biker threw his pride aside and cried out, "Alright alright I cheated. Just let me in you crazy son of a bitch!"

Hunter grinned as he gave one final pounce for the biker before a door was slammed shut against his head.

Rubbing his aching cranium, the hooded member cursed before looking at the door and giving a growl. Staring at the small wooden door his look of anger soon became one of confusion as his friends ran up.

"Whats wrong, is it locked?" Smoker asked and Hunter shook his head, "No I don't think so..." "Then open it."

When Hunter made no signs of movement, the weezing member growled, "Well...what are you waiting for?" Hunter continued to stare at the thin rectangle of wood, "Guys...I don't remember how."

Smoker raised an eyebrow, "To what...you mean open a door? What are you retarded it's easy you just...you just...hmn." Smoker groaned as he too began to stare at the door, Boomer soon following as the three stood motionless in front of the stationary simple wooden object.

Inside the small house the four survivors slowly panted, a result of their recent sprint towards the house. Francis grinned, "Hehe, stupid infected. They can't even open a friggin door."

Soft whimpers came from behind the burly biker who instantly flipped on his flashlight, "The hell is that?" he muttered, only to be met with a pair of angry red eyes.

_! Francis has startled the Witch_

On the outside of the small house, the trio was busy giving a full examination of the door, trying to jog their memories on how to open the seemingly foreign object.

As gunshots began to ring out, Smoker placed his ear to the door and listened in, "The fucks going on in there?" he asked only for the door to be slammed off the hinges, trapping the three screaming infected underneath as four pairs of feet stormed out.

"WITCH!" Louis screamed as all four took off running, the screaming banshee of a woman trailing close behind them as they took off into the distance.

Underneath the door three heads popped out from the side of the door, Smoker growling while Boomer gave an awkward laugh.

Hunter himself had a dreamy look in his eyes as he watched the pale girl chase the survivors, "Ah, thats my girl" he sighed resulting in a huff from Smoker.

"I seriously hate doors" the long tongued member groaned before all three members shrieked in agony as a crushing weight stepped onto the door.

With his eyes winced shut in pain, Smoker slowly opened his good eye to see a ping pong ball drop down in front of him.

Looking up, all three members were suprised to see their missing member, Tank looking down at them in what could be thought of as a smile although he had no jaw.

"Get the hell off of us you giant retard!" Smoker harshly screamed at the beast who continued to eye the small ping pong ball placed in front of him.

"I think he wants you to throw the ball dude" Hunter said. With a reluctant sigh the tall member tried to free his trapped arms but soon decided to wrap his long tongue around the ball and throw it off into the distance.

Tank gave a massive roar before jumping off the door and running down the street to retrive his prized possession, leaving the three remaining infected to crawl out from under the heavy object.

After dusting himself off Smoker shook his head in shame as he watched the gigantic creature laugh as he tossed the ping pong ball around, "Look at him, he thinks he's a fucking dog."

Hunter growled, "Well what do you expect, he was stupid as a regular person too." Smoker looked at him questiongly, "What do you mean?"

Hunter reached into his hoodie and pulled out a leather wallet, "Well when I first found the big idiot, he had this in his pocket. It turns out all the dumbass did as a human was be a train conductor."

Smoker snatched the wallet from his friend's clawed hand and pulled out a small I.D. card that had a picture of Tank before he was infected.

He seemed to have the build of a football player, and looked dashing with his chizeled chin. However when Smoker looked at the line marked 'Occupation' his eye widened, "Hunter...is this what your talking about?"

Hunter turned his attention away from the laughing idiot in the distance and looked at the card, "Yeah thats it, he was an Aereospace Engineer. Poor stupid bastard."

Smoker growled and smacked his friend on the back of the head, "Hunter your the stupid one. Aerospace Engineers works for NASA. Tank was a rocket scientist you jackass!"

Hunter and Boomer's jaws dropped simultaniously, "What?!" they screamed in unison as they looked back at the giant creature who was currently entertaining himself by knocking a car tire around and laughing.

"What the hell happened to him?" Boomer commented and the other two could only shake their heads.

Hunter shrugged his shoulders and began to walk towards home, "Oh well, its better for him to have all brawns and no brains, then all brains and no brawns" Hunter optimistically added before a green hand haulted him.

Looking up at his friend, Hunter could honestly say he didn't like the grin Smoker was giving as he looked at the beast, "Not neccesarily Hunter. I'm sure with a little proper...retraining, even an oblivious animal like Tank can be a cold, calculating, killing machine."

Hunter's eyes widened as he made eye contact with Smoker. The two looked at each other in silence for a few seconds before both grinned evilly as maniacal laughter erupted from their mouths.

Boomer sighed as he watched his two friend's dark laughs, "I've got a bad feeling about this".

_Author's Notes: Thanks for reading, your reviews, and your suggestions. Please if you give me a suggestion also add what you thought of the actual chapter and not just your suggestions. Thanks._


	4. Left4Christmas

_Author's Notes: This chapter is my mandatory Christmas chapter lol. Now I know that I already started on a story arc that invovled Tank trying to get smarter, but this is added in the middle and is really non cameo to the other chapters. Well anyway enjoy and Happy Holidays._

We're Gonna Get those Bastards Chapter 4: Christmas Special!

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the city a few creatures were sturring...well about ten thousand and fifty.

Sturdy bars were hung onto red doors with care. In hopes that no special infected, would soon be there.

The special infected were nestled all snug in their beds. Having dreams of the survivors losing their heads.

And this is where our Christmas story becomes one to remember, beginning with the stirring of the team's most obese member.

Boomer sat up from his cot with a yawn, chubby face looking out the church window to search for the dawn.

When the moon greeted him back, he let out a sigh, before a rumbling hit the roof and he looked to the sky.

Something quite heavy had landed on the roof, and curious old Boomer decided to look for some proof.

He walked over to the ladder that led to the tower, knowing the bell inside would go off in a few hours.

Making his way to the top he looked out through the snow, to see a group of figures, one's nose red with glow.

Boomer's face immediatly brightened and he was happy to find, that even though the city was desolate Santa decided to spare them some time.

After a slight struggle the bearded man lifted his sack, needing to lose weight soon or risk having a heart attack.

Boomer had joy in his heart and hope in his eyes, he wanted to immediatly run in and wake the other guys.

However Boomer's face immediatly fell and his stomach felt sick, as Santa's face contorted after being met with a brick.

The jolly man limply fell off the church top, his neck giving a crack and his spine giving a pop.

Boomer immediatly let out a scream as he grasped the railing wood, before spotting a fellow next to the body, wearing a navy blue hood.

Hunter stood there before the body, another brick in his claws before muttering, "You picked the wrong house to rob asshole" and kicked Santa's balls.

Boomer jumped from the tower and into the snow, knowing if Santa was gone that this Christmas would blow.

Hunter sharply turned towards him with anger in his eyes, but upon seeing Boomer his look turned to suprise.

"Oh Boomer its you, hey you won't believe my luck" and Boomer replied simply with "Dude what the FUCK?!"

"That was Santa you hit really way to go, now Christmas is ruined, you've reached a new low."

Boomer waited for an apology as Hunter took a look and see before the man gave a laugh and asked "Get the fuck out, really?"

"Yeah douchebag, you hit him with that brick, caused him to fall, and then stomped on his dick!"

"Well how was I to know that it was Santa on the roof?" "You mean that the reigndeer and red suit didn't give you some proof?"

"Well you know what this means, we have to nurse him till well, and with a little luck stop you from burning in hell."

Hunter pondered this before nudging Santa's head, "Well that won't be much of a problem, the fat bastard's dead."

Boomer gasped and fell to his knees in the snow, tears forming in his eyes as he whispered a somber "no..."

Hunter began to walk off, his feet giving a tread, "Sorry about that buddy, well lets get to bed."

Hunter's eyes widened as a hand grasped his wrist, "This is your fault you bastard, your helping fix this!"

It was five minutes later on top of the church, as Boomer rummaged through the sleigh, conducting a search.

"The hell are you doing Boomer, I'm cold and I'm pissed" and Boomer responded by producing a list.

"It's a list of the children, the good and the bad" "Damn look how long that naughty part is, now thats just sad."

"No thats good, it makes our work less" "The hell do you mean?" "I mean, we're fixing this mess."

A few minutes later Boomer donned the red suit, put on the hat, and slipped on the boots.

When Hunter saw him he gave a slight pause, before bursting out laughing, "Hey look, Boomer-Clause!"

They were soon in the sleigh, to begin on their way, and Hunter cleared his throat and started to say, "On Oprah on Fredo on Chubacca and Charlie Manson, on Sylvester on Pedro on Castro, and Chris Hansen!"

Hunter was confused when the reigndeer never took to the sky, "Thats not their names Hunter, what are you high?!"

After the right names they were up in the air, with the sun on the horizon they had no time to spare.

"Hunter check the list which places didn't he do?" "Well he didn't do the East Coast, the Middle East, or this city too."

Well most of the Middle East is either Jewish or Islam, and this city looks like it was struck by a bomb."

Hunter gave a nod and looked at the names, "Well there are a few in this city, but that'd be insane."

"Why what do you mean, whos on the list?" "Well four of them are Zoey, Louis, Bill, and Francis."

Boomer thought long and hard, he knew what to do, "Their stuck in this hellhole, they deserve a nice Christmas too."

Over in a farmhouse surrounded by grain...you know that one from the Blood Harvest Campaign.

Well inside the survivors were taking a risk, not sleeping in a saferoom to try and enjoy the Christmas.

All huddled around a fireplace trying to keep warm, the survivors tried to forget about the surrounding zombie swarm.

But their simple Christmas wish seemed too much for as they were about to drift away, a loud bang came from the roof, curtosy of Santa's sleigh.

On top of the roof the sleigh landed hard, presents and roof shingles all lay in discard.

3 reigndeer's legs were broken, 4 hurt their heads, and tragiclly Donder and Blitzen were dead.

Boomer sat motionless, eye frozen wide, sprawled out in the back Hunter laughed, "What a ride!"

After crawling from the wreck Boomer grabbed his red sack, "Try to fix the sleigh Hunter, and i'll be right back."

Hunter looked at the chaos as the reigndeer writhed in pain, "Hmph if he thinks i'm cleaning this up then the fat bastards' insane."

Over at the chimey Boomer looked down the small hole, "Santas' fatter then me, where the hell does he go?"

Boomer needed some kind of lube to get down the smoke spout, so he breathed in some air as his large cheeks puffed out.

At the base of the chimey the survivors gripped their guns, "If it's a witch or a tank then we back off and run."

Everyone visibly tensed hoping it was only some rats, but after hearing strange noises Francis whispered, "What is that?"

Green liquid flew from the chimey knocking the survivors in a pile, "Aww what the hell is this stuff?" "Eww it's Boomer bile!"

Though their guns were sticky, they pointed them back at the base, hearing the boomer struggle as he moved down the fireplace.

And as the dirty and sticky boomer made it through the small slit, he put on his best smile, "Ho Ho-HOLY SHIT!"

Back on the roof Hunter bandaged up Vixen, helped the dazed Cupid, and disposed of poor Blitzen.

But upon hearing gunshots he dashed over in time, to see a bloody Boomer exit the chimney covered in slime.

"Holy Shit Boomer, what happend, you alright?!" "Dude fuck this and Christmas, fuck the whole Christmas night!"

"I tried to be good, I tried be merry, I tried to be jolly and happy and fun. And what did I get for all my hard work?! I get blown away by a bunch of fucking guns!"

Boomer grumbled to himself as he hopped on the sleigh, "Hurry the fuck up, I don't have all day!"

They were soon back at the church, Boomer heading to bed with a frown, carelessly stepping over Santa who was sprawled face down.

But he abruptly stopped as Hunter said, "What the hell do I do with the reigndeer now that Santa is dead?"

Boomer gave a sigh as he pulled out a gun, "Put two in each head, then come to bed when your done."

Hunter stared shocked at the gun in his hand, but as Boomer went inside he came up with another plan.

In a distant park with snow as high as a mountain, a small pale girl sat at the base of a fountain.

Witch tapped the frozen water of her favorite reprise, this Christmas was so lonely and she let out a sigh.

However as she was about to fall alseep at the fountain's base, a large form landed near her blowing snow in her face.

Using her claws she brushed away all the snow before a form rose from a sleigh and yelled, "Ho Ho Ho!"

"S-Santa?" asked Witch, the man shrouded in black, "Well little girl I have a gift for you right here in my sack."

The man reached in and pulled out a gift with a very large bow, "The last one in my sack and it's yours, here you go."

With a toss through the air the gift was in Witch's claws, "Um I don't know what to say...I guess thanks Mr. Clause."

It felt lighter then air and she soon found out why, for when she opened it up there was nothing inside.

"Um Santa I'm sorry but there is nothing in here. Maybe I just wasn't supposed to get anything this year."

"Now don't worry my girl just cause you can't see it with your eyes. Why don't you hold up that box, and get your surprise."

Witch did what she was told and held up the box by it's tips, before the bottom opened up to reveal a pair of lips.

Witch gasped as she felt them press against her own, the box blocking her vision as she let out a moan.

However the box was soon removed and Witch swelled up with cheer, "Hunter it's you!" "Merry Christmas my dear."

Church bells echoed in the distance as the two gleefully embraced, expressions of happiness ectched on each face. And as the two hugged softly in the endless field of white they whispered, "Merry Christmas to all" "And to all a good night."

_**MERRY CHRISTMAS!**_

.


	5. CEDA Knows All

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 5

If there was one building that could be told apart from all the others in the city it was that of Mercy Hospital. Towering over the skyline, the gigantic skyscraper could not only treat every sick person in the city, but probably house every single citizen as well.

However with the city in it's current dillema, any wounded survivor who had hopes of finding refuge and aid within the hospital's walls would be making a deadly mistake.

The hospital currently had the highest concentraion of horde within one building throughout the entire city.

However luckily for two creatures currently riding the building's elevator, the surrounding zombie horde gave them little concern.

As the elevator doors opened on the twenty third floor, a hooded creature and a tall smoking abomination casually walked out and surveyed their current surroundings.

"Smoke I don't understand why we're here" Hunter muttered to the taller man next to him, and after a cough and a weeze he responded, "I already told you Hunter, CEDA has an office here on this floor."

Hunter rolled his eyes, "Well yeah, but why the hell would we be looking for a CEDA office, those guys are trying to stop the infection."

"Exactly and that is why they should have data on all of the kinds of infected in their office. All we have to do is access Tank's file and it should tell us why he lacks any intelegence besides his basic motor skills."

Hunter's eyebrow raised, "If he has motor skills does that mean he was also a mechanic?"

Smoker glared at his friend before sighing, "Maybe if we have time we'll try to fix your IQ too" he muttered under his breath before continuing his walk down the decrepit hall.

A few minutes later in a locked corner office, a trash can flew through the glass window curtosy of Smoker.

The tall infected unlocked the door and stepped in with Hunter, still continuing their earlier conversation.

"I'll have you know Smoker that back in High School I had the highest score on a test in all the country's history."

Smoker seemed a little intrested, "Really...and what test was that?"

Hunter paused for a few seconds before looking down ashamed, "...Narcotics test." Smoker groaned, "I should have known" he muttered as the two began to look around.

Hunter noticed a PC in the corner with the monitor shining bright. As Smoker began to rumage through filing cabinets the hooded monster sat in front of the computer and fiddled with the keys.

"Bingo!" Hunter exclaimed as he came face to face with CEDA's private server, the previous user still logged in. Smoker trotted over and looked at the list.

"There, click on the 'special infected' icon" he told Hunter and a screen popped up that displayed their names plus a few that they had never seen before.

"Thats funny...I thought we were the only special infected in this entire city" Smoker muttered and Hunter noticed something under each name, "Thats because we are...says here that the Charger, Spitter, and Jockey have only been spotted down south."

Deciding to come back to that later they pulled up Tank's file and tried to read about his intellegence, "Hmn...says here that upon becoming infected the brain is supposed to relocate itself so that more muscle tissue can grow in the head area" Smoker stated as Hunter read on.

Suddenly the hooded infected burst out laughing as he read a sentence, "No way hahaha! Now I know why he's so stupid, look where the brain relocates itself."

Smoker's eyes widened, "His jaw?! The brain is in his jaw?!" "Correction, WAS in his jaw. When we met him it was missing, still is."

Smoker slammed his boil covered hands on the table, "Damnit! So who has it?" Hunter clicked on the link about the jaw, "Says here that CEDA recovered it for further testing...and its in this building" he said happily.

Hunter pointed towards a room at the back of the office, "Check inside that room" he told Smoker who opened the door and immediatly felt freezing cold air, "Hm...CEDA's cryo lab" he muttered.

As Hunter continued to mess with the computer, Smoker popped open a certain nitrogen cabinet and was met with Tank's missing appendage.

"Bingo" the weezing infected grinned, but his eye's widened as he heard Hunter behind him, "Hmn, lets check out your profile Smoke" he said nonchalantly.

Smoker began to dash back to the computer with Tank's jaw in tow, "No no no that won't be neccesary!" he paniced as Hunter began to read.

"Lets see, 'The Smoker's most effective attribute is it's long tongue, which it grows in return for sacrificing all reproductive organs'...Smoker...does that mean that...you don't have a..."

Smoker's green face instantly turned beat red as he shut the monitor off and turned to a grinning Hunter, "Heh...I knew you were just compensating for 'something' with that large tongue of yours."

"F-fuck you Hunter, besides I got the jaw lets get the hell out of here" he growled to his still grinning friend.

As the two began to trek back to the elevator Hunter turned to Smoker, "Hey Smoke, you know its a nightmare just to get Tank to brush his top teeth every night...how we gonna hold him down long enough to attach this thing back on?"

Smoker grinned, "Our pal Boomer is already starting that faze of the plan."

* * *

Meanwhile inside the city's local zoo the large abomination known as Tank was walking down a long pathway, currently engrosed in picking up a trail of doughnuts that seemed to 'magically' appear.

What he didn't know is that Boomer had set the trail for the dimwitted infected and it was too late when Tank realized the trail ended in one of the animal's cages.

Tank's eyes widened as the large cage slammed shut and he was instantly bombarded by his three friends, "Hold his ass down so we can attach this fucking thing back to his face!" Hunter screamed upon jumping on his back.

The large infected lashed around wildly, punching the incoming Boomer who then spewed puke all over Hunter, effectivly blinding the poor infected and having him fall off of Tank's back.

Tank suddenly felt something long wrap around his neck, and looked down to see that Smoker had wrapped his long tongue around him in an effort to choke him out.

This didn't work as plan as Tank began to spin the creature around in circles, knocking the other two down and then succesfully tossing Smoker through the cage door.

Tank stomped out of the cage and began to pound his chest in victory much like King Kong, roaring at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly Tank paused and looked down to see what looked to be someone's jaw. Upon thinking that the detattached appendage was food he picked it up and calmly raised it towards his mouth.

A few minutes later Smoker, Boomer, and Hunter all seemed to groan as conciousness simutaniously hit them.

Pushing themselves up from their hands and knees they wobbled around in a daze for a short period of time before a deep sophisticated voice broke them out of it.

"My word! I do beg your pardon my companions for inflicting such heinous injuries based on premature judgements on my part..."

All three of the now wide eyed infected slowly turned around to see a 'grinning' Tank, who was currently standing straight up instead of using it's massive arms for support.

"...I do hope that everybody is currently feeling up to par?" The trio gaped as Tank smiled happily at them, and it was Hunter who best summed up everyone's current feelings, "...Hooooly Shit."

_Author's Notes: Well now, whats in store for the four now that they have a man with all brawns AND brains. Will it result in the failure of the survivors? We shall see. Also sorry about the short chapter this time, it seemed like an approriate place to leave off in order to build suspence, as well as even out the next chapter. The next one will be longer._


	6. The Rise of Charles T Esterfield

_Author's Notes: Thank you so much guys for the reviews throughout the months that i've been too busy to write with a combination of writer's block. One of my favorite reviews went something like "make another fucking chapter now!" Now thats a true fan for you, I wish I got more reviews like that (please don't lol). _

_Well anyway I apologize for the long hiatus. I worry that I went with a more serious story this time instead of more humor, but I swear that their will be more humor in the future chapters of this story. With that said, enjoy._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 6

If there was one rule that the survivors had learned while being trapped within the nightmare that used to be their city, it was that the special infected should be avoided, the special infected should be feared!

However if those same survivors saw the current scene of Hunter and Smoker skipping around the confused Tank, they would probably just piss themselves laughing.

Tank raised an eyebrow as he watched his two friends prance around him, "We fixed the Taaank, we fixed the Taaank!" they chanted while Boomer looked on from a distance.

"Hmn...funny I had no idea I was suffering from any kind of abnormality regarding my height of intellegence."

He omphed as Smoker smacked him on the back, "You kidding? You were a freaking moron Tank!" Tank polietly nudged the green infected hand away and wiped it clean with a small hanky he pulled from his pocket.

"Hmn...yes well now that this brain matter has been taken care of, I believe you should all call me by my real name, Charles Esterfield."

Tank's three friends all raised their eyebrows, "Charles...Esterfield?" muttered Hunter and Tank nodded, "Yes and I shall call you all by your real names, Martin, Sam, and Squiggy."

Smoker, formally known as Sam widened his eyes, "Squiggy? Which one of us was named Squiggy?"

Reluctently Hunter raised his hand, "...My parents really liked the Laverne and Shirley show ok." Boomer (Martin) and Smoker (Sam) simultaniously burst out laughing.

Hunter's face turned the shade of a tomato and to everyone's suprise Tank smacked Smoker on the back of the head, "Shame on you Samuel! Making fun of poor Squiggy's name!"

Hunter's shade deepend, "Would you stop calling me that damnit!" Tank sighed, "Fine I shall call all of you by your post-infected names, however I shall still prefer to be called Charles."

"Uh...sure no problem Ta-I mean Charles" Boomer awkwardly agreed before distant gunshots caught the team's attention.

Gazing off into the distance they saw a group of five survivors currently running towards a safehouse, five of many that still riddled the city searching for escape.

Tank shook his head, "Hmn...pathetic creatures. Just like cockroachs scurring away when the light turns on." Smoker and Hunter exchanged quick thumbs ups to each other on the account of Tank's new sadistic personality.

Approaching the safehouse they glanced inside. Their was a middle aged Chinese shop clerk, a young African American couple, a high school football player, and what seemed to be a nightclub stripper.

Their guns were laying at one of the corners of the room, showing that they had no idea of the danger outside. They watched as the young jock began to write something on the wall, possibly about his whereabouts to his family.

Smoker began to ponder, "So Ta-Charles...how are we getting them out?" Tank smirked, "Allow me dear Smoker" he muttered and walked up to the door.

As Smoker, Hunter, and Boomer took refuge behind a parked car, they watched in amazement as Tank gripped the familiar red door by it's bars and tore it off of it's hinges.

They heard gasps and shrieks from inside, most likely the sounds of the survivors reaching for their guns. However when no gunshots or cries of pain rang out, the infected outside became confused.

Another fifthteen minutes later the special infected sighed as they waited behind the car, "The hell is taking him so long?" Hunter muttered before five consecutive gunshots rang out.

"Oh God their shooting at him!" Smoker screamed and the three dashed towards the safehouse. However once they were inside, their confusion only grew.

Laying sprawled out in several parts of the room were the bodies of the five survivors, each with a gunshot wound in their temple. In each hand was their sidearms, and standing in the middle of it all was Tank.

"Charles holy shit man...what happend?" Hunter screamed. Tank turned around with a cocky smirk, "I mearly explained to them all through a mind-numbing paradox that physical escape from the city was simply impossible. Once it sunk in, I suggested a much easier form of escape, and they took up my offer for it."

Boomer leaned towards Smoker's ear, "Oh my God...Tank was able to convince them all to commit suicide."

Hearing a noise, Tank turned around to see Hunter trying to drag the body of the nightclub stripper away, "Hunter what are your intentions with that corpse?" Tank muttered and Hunter laughed awkwardly.

A couple minutes later the group of four began to head back to their haven on the outskirts of the city. As they passed by hundreds of mindless infected in the desolate and decrpeit streets, Tank's face held an expression of discomfort.

"Hey fellas...what are your goals for your post-infected existence?" Upon recieving three confused stares he continued, "I mean what do you want out of this new life you have been given. Do you just intended to live life day by day and pray that the infection overtakes America before the Army reaches the city?"

Hunter shrugged his shoulders, "Well if you mean what are our life goals, its to kill the remaining survivors." Tank groaned, "Yes, but why? What is your reasoning for attempting to eliminate inferior beings only wishing to escape?"

Smoker decided to answer this one, "Bordom mostly." Hunter nodded, "Yeah, we all pretty much decided that after the survivors were gone we would most likely just blow our brains out like those people back in the saferoom did."

Appalled, Tank decided to leave the conversation at that, but he couldn't help himself from occasionally staring at Mercy Hospital, specifically towards the floor that contained the CEDA office.

It was a couple hours later that the special infected were sleeping peacefully in their respectful positions on the floor located in the small church. With a small snort, Hunter clutched his plushie of the Witch closer to his chest. Boomer snuggled deeper into his pillow before a large shadow past over him, and headed towards the door.

Giving one last look at the trio left sleeping on the ground, Tank gave a heavy sigh and whispered, "Goodbye my friends...forever" he muttered before slipping out into the cover of darkness.

As Tank began to trudge down the desolate streets, rain began to dramatically hammer the landscape, common infected aimlessly stumbling past the giant creature.

"Who am I...what is my purpose" Tank muttered as the rain began to come down harder, Tank obviously not giving it any mind as he fought with his inner turmoil, "Am I doomed to an existence of that of a common animal...have all those years of work and suffering to achieve my PHD been frivelous?"

Tank suddenly came to an abrupt stomp, his anger reaching it's climax as he fell to his knees and pound a fist into the concrete below, "Is this what has become of Charles T. Esterfield?"

Raising his fists into the air, he yelled out to the heavens above as a bolt of lightning illmuniated the streets, "TELL ME!" he screeched before another bolt of lightning lit up the largest building in the city.

A realization suddenly hit Tank as he stared at Mercy Hospital, the location of the city's CEDA office, "...Thats it" he muttered before calmly rising to his feet and walking towards the ominous skyscraper.

As he began to fade out of view, a small frail girl in a tattered grey undershirt stared at the receeding figure with emotionless red eyes. Having witnessed Tank's outburst from behind a nearby building, Witch's eyes narrowed into a suspisious glare, before she turned around and begun her walk towards a nearby church.

When the sun began to rise a few hours later, Hunter groaned as nearby yelling voices echoed throughout the church. Covering his head with his pillow in a desperate attempt to block out the noise, he eventually gave up and decided to see what the hell was with all the racket.

Climbing up the bell tower he was confused to see Smoker shouting at someone below, "Look I already told you, no girls allowed in fort infected, now get the fuck out of here before I get Boomer to puke on you!"

Hunter walked up to Smoker cautiously, "Uh, Smoker who are you talking to?" Turning around Smoker groaned, "Ugh, your girlfriend is here and she won't go awa-OW" Smoker yelped as a brick smacked the back of his head.

Looking back down he yelled at Witch, "You bitch!" Hunter walked up to the ledge and smiled down at his friend, "Hey Witch, whats up?" Witch sighed, "Oh thank God, someone with at least half a brain" she said and Smoker gave her the finger before receeding inside and down the ladder.

"There is something wrong with your friend Tank. I just saw him a few hours ago having a breakdown in the middle of the street. Then he suddenly calms down and begins walking towards Mercy Hospital. What the hell is wrong with him?"

Hunter raised an eyebrow, "Tank? What are you talking about, Tank is still sleeping in his corner of the church like usual." Witch growled, "Thats impossible! Let me in, I wanna see." Hunter stared at his friend's glaring eyes for a few more seconds before giving a defeated sigh, and climbing down the ladder.

A minute later Smoker shouted obscienities and Boomer stared confused as Witch entered the compound, Hunter at her side, "What the hell Hunter? We don't want that bitch in here, right Boomer?"

Boomer's eyes widened as a pair of piercing red eyes glowered at his form, awaiting an answer, "Uh...I...she-shes fine with me" he muttered and as Witch gave a cocky smirk, Smoker shook his head, "Pussy" he growled to his friend.

Hunter decided to get back at the matter at hand, "Well anyway Tank is right over there, see" he stated and as Witch looked over to the corner of the crumbling buidling, her red orbs widend, "Hunter...thats a vacumn cleaner with a football as a head" she muttered in disbelief.

Everyone in the room turned their attention to Tank's usual napping corner, where true to Witch's observation a dirty brown vacumn cleaner lay with a footbal attatched to the handle. Crudley drawn on the front of the football was Tank's attempt at a smiley face, and even though everyone immediatly realized their foley, Hunter laughed and walked up to the vacumn, "Hehe, what are you crazy, this is definetly Tank."

As Hunter put an arm around his 'buddy', he accidently flipped the switch to on, causing the vacumn to immediatly begin devoring Hunter's pants around the groin, "Help! Tanks gone gay for me, get him off!" Hunter screamed as Smoker quickly flipped off the device with his tounge.

Meanwhile in the dark bowls of Mercy Hospital, a lone muscular abomination slowly trudged up the winding staircases towards the CEDA office, since he obviously didn't meet the weight requirement for the elevator.

The limited light of the facility gave an almost errie presence to the creature deep in thought, however as he arrived at his floor and neared the designated office, his concentration was broken by a string of voices.

"Zoey, come on we need to make it to the rooftop, what are you doing?" "Can it Francis, this office's information may be just what we need to stop the infection, and dispose of those special infected." Tank's eyes widened as he listened to the voices coming from behind the door.

Processing Zoey's words, Tank contemplated the option of allowing the girl access to CEDA's classified information, and possibly help bring the infection to an end. After all...wasn't that the most noble of options?

Inside the CEDA office, Zoey held her minature flashlight up to a small filing cabniet as she rummaged through the few files that weren't on the computer. Luis and Francis sat bored on two nearby chairs while Bill kept his assault rifle at the ready.

However everyone's eyes widened as a large fist punched through the door, and as the group of survivors raised their respective weapons towards the incoming threat, the door was violently ripped from it's hinges.

The four watched in horror, their fingers shaking on their triggers as Tank calmly stomped into the room and gave a cold glare to the four inside, "I'm afraid I can't let you access that information" he said in a voice no higher then a whisper, but with more venom then a serpent.

As gunfire began to erupt within the CEDA office, Hunter, Smoker, Boomer, and Witch arrived at the entrance of Mercy Hospital. Smoker took this time to let out a frustrated sigh and glared at Witch, "Alright ho, we're here, now what?"

Witch gripped her claws tight with anger before pointing one at Smoker, "If you call me ho, or bitch one more time I'm gonna chop your nuts off!" Hunter chuckled, "Thats sorta impossible" he laughed as Witch stood confused and Smoker blushed madly.

"Well, now that Tank has his brains back, what would he find of use here in the hospital?" Boomer asked and suddenly everyone snapped their fingers in realization, "CEDA!" they all yelled in unison before storming inside the giant skyscraper.

The elevator performed it's familiar 'ding' sound as it arrived on the familiar floor containing the CEDA office. Slowly walking down the darkened hallway, the four special infected began to hear a sharp weezing sound.

"Shut the hell up Smoker" Hunter said as the other infected held his hands up in innoncence, "Wasn't me man". Suddenly as they neared the end of the hallway, the infected's eyes widened as the Vietnam war veteran Bill, feebly tried to crawl away from the nearby office.

His legs seemed badly damaged and as he raised his head to the infected, his eyes widened, "Aww...shit" he muttered before losing consiousness.

The four stared at his body confused for a few seconds before Hunter shrugged his shoulders, "Welp, better finish him off" he said nonchalantly as he took a few steps towards him, before being haulted by Witch.

"Wait Hunter, this doesn't seem right. These wounds are too great to come from regular infected...Tank is here alright." Hunter seemed unconvinced, "So? He probably just came here to kill these guys" "Then why didn't he finish him off?" Witch retaliated and Hunter seemed to be at a loss for words.

The four immediatly took off down the end of the hall and stormed into the office, their eyes widening at the chaos that met them. The biker survivor sat motionless inside of a shattered cabinet holding glass beakers, his gun still at his side.

The office guy with the red tie lay on his stomach in the corner of the room, face contorted in pain as he slipped in and out of consiousness. Witch quickly ran up to the final survivor, the young college girl laying sprawled out on one of the tables.

Jumping up on the table and using her claws to prop the survivor up, Witch was about to demand Tank's whereabouts before the girl stared up at her with glassy eyes, "Mom...is that...you" she muttered in her dazed state before blacking out. Witch could only sigh and drop her head back down on the hard table before getting up and looking at the rest of her group.

"Somethings wrong, we have to search for-" her sentence was cut short as she felt the table beneath her start to rumble, Zoey's body sliding off onto the floor below as Tank picked up the entire table with a bewildered Witch on top.

With a roar the monster threw the table at his friends, Witch doing a backflip during the process and landing behind Tank. On the other side, Smoker hit the floor and Hunter jumped high as the table enclosed in, Boomer taking the full blunt of the hit and flying into the wall with a yell.

Hunter snarled at his friend as he dangled from a light on the ceiling, "Tank! What the hell?" he screamed as Smoker quickly shot his tounge out and tried to wrap it around the infected's massive bicep.

Hunter gave his trademark yell as he dove and grabbed onto Tank's other arm, trying with all his might to hold on while Witch ran over to tend to Boomer.

Tank huffed darkly, "Simple-minded fools" he muttered before abruptly yanking both of his arms across, violently pulling Smoker and Hunter into each other. Then triumphently stomped on both of them at once.

"I have much bigger plans for this city then leaving it to ruin, I tend to rebuild, create an infected eutopia to spread to the entire world." Hunter gritted his teeth against the pressure of Tank's foot, and choked out, "Well why didn't you just tell us...we...we can help you!"

Smoker coughed harshley, "Yeah, we're your friends!" Tank paused momentarily, seemingly in conflict with himself before raising his foot and bringing it down onto his comrades with a roar.

Hunter and Smoker cried out in pain, but as Witch began to dart towards them, Tank quickly punched another table towards her that pinned her painfully against the wall.

As she struggled, Tank roughly picked up Hunter and Smoker by their heads and slowly trudged over to one of the windows. Looking at the window, Tank's eyes softened momentarily with regret, before they hardened once more and he looked at both of his victims in the eye, "I'm sorry my comrades...but theres only room for one special infected in my new eutopia" he muttered before using as much force as he could muster to smash the two through the window simultaniously.

"No!" Witch screamed as she heard Hunter and Smoker's recedding screams as they fell into the night. Then with a murderous growl, she sliced through the table in one swift motion. Tank's eyes widened slightly at Witch's death glare, before replacing it with one of bordom, "Fine, let me deal with you quickly so I can get back to creating my plans" he muttered.

Witch flexed her claws, Tank puffed out his chest, and Boomer coughed meekly in the corner near the three bodies of the devastated survivors.

Then in one quick motion Witch let out a howl and Tank gave a massive roar as the two ran forward and the battle at Mercy Hospital had begun.

_Author's Notes: And there you have it! Have you ever wondered what a fight between a Tank and a Witch would be like? Or what Tank's plan for the city will be? Well wonder no more during the next chapter, thank you for reading and leave a review if you have the time._


	7. The Reign of Charles T Esterfield

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 7

Zoey groaned as her vision was met with nothing but a black abiss. Momentarily thinking she was dead, her eyes fluttered open as she felt the ground beneath her body shake, accompanied by numerous inhuman shrieks and yells.

However as her eyes met the site of a Witch cartwheeling away as a giant fist smashed into her previous postion on the floor, the shock seemed too great for her and she once again lost consciousness.

Tank growled in irritation as he pryed his wrist out of the hole he made, and stampeded towards the awaiting Witch, who easily ducked underneath his brute force punch, and wasted no time hacking away at his open chest as the Tank stumbled forward.

With a frustrated roar, Tank gave the ground a double fist pound, as the Witch blackflipped towards the other side of the destroyed CEDA lab.

Tank pointed a muscular finger towards the frail girl, "All I need to do is land one hit, and your through little girl" he muttered devilishly.

Witch merely smirked and placed a cocky claw on her hip, "Hmph, thats a hit i'm still waiting for you overgrown freak."

She seemed to get the reaction she wanted as Tank began to pound his chest, and smacked a small cart full of various test tubes and beakers into the air, and towards Witch.

Instead of dodging, Witch ran towards the cart at full speed, and slashed right through it, then without stopping she began to do a series of front flips towards the bewildered beast.

Tank's eyes widened slightly as a final flip resulted with both of Witch's feet connecting with Tank's chest with an impressive amount of force.

Boomer watched in amazement from his place seated up against one of the walls, as the Witch then shoved both of her claws directly into Tank's abdomen.

Tank coughed up blood as he felt the sharp appendages enter his abdominals, however grinned evilly as Witch attempted to remove them, only to find herself stuck.

Calmly Tank lifted one of his massive hands, and gently placed it over one of the girl's wrists, "Here, let me help you with that" he said smuggly before clamping down on her left wrist with full force, ejecting a scream from the frail woman's mouth as the bone shattered.

Then Tank yanked the claws from his body, and threw the girl across the room, who rolled into a wooden cabinet.

Tank laughed darkly as Witch staggered to her feet, panting heavily as she clutched her broken wrist with her right claw, "You fool, do you not comprehend my power yet?" he asked and Witch only scowled as her vision began to darken slightly from the pain.

Thinking of finishing her off, Tank roared and began to charge yet again, however he didn't forsee a green bileslick, complements of Boomer puking from his place on the floor, and the Tank stumbled forward, as Witch used all of her force in her tightened right claw, and landed a devestating punch into the beast's face.

Tank gave a horrific cry as he smashed through one of the walls, and was sprawled out motionless in the hallway. Witch gritted her teeth as she looked at her right claw, "Damnit...I think this one's shattered too" she muttered.

Looking over to Boomer, she smiled, "Thank you Hunter's friend, I owe you one." He gave a pained grin in response, "No problem...its Boomer by the way" he murmered as Witch gave a sigh and sat down on the floor across from the obese member.

Then the two stared somberly at each other as they thought about losing Hunter and Smoker, however their grieving was short-lived as the giant form in the hallway began to stir.

Witch and Boomer began to tremble as Tank stood up, "It...it can't be" Witch muttered as Tank groaned and walked through the hole he created, "Oh but it is" he laughed and charged forward, and connected full force into Witch as she began to rise.

Time seemed to slow down for Witch as the massive shoulder muscles slammed into her. First she could feel her body floating parallel to the ground, and hear Boomer's screams. Then she heard glass shatter, and felt shards imbed into her back.

Then all she could feel was the wind going past her, as her body descended towards the earth, and could see the window she was just thrown through become more and more distant.

Closing her eyes, awaiting the impact of the street, her face was that of peaceful serenity, "Here I come Hunter" was all she muttered before she lost consiousness.

Inside the CEDA room, Boomer trembled incohrently from his place against the wall, as he stared at the broad back muscles of Tank, while the abomination stared through the window.

Boomer half-contemplated getting up and attempting to push him through the window, but he knew it would be a vein gesture with a monster so large.

Then his trembling turned into loud whimpers as Tank slowly turned around and stared down at the pitiful creatue who attempted to push himself further into the wall.

Charles Esterfield, also known as Tank, took five calm steps towards the wall, never leaving eye contact with the trembling Boomer. Boomer began to physically shake as Tank raised a powerful fist into the air, aimed at killing Boomer where he sat.

Then suddenly, Tank's eyes widened as flashbacks of the past hit him. He thought of all the times that Hunter and Smoker would shout at him, or attempt to use him in some way...and how it was always Boomer who treated him as a friend one hundred percent of the time.

_Flashback:_

_ Tank humphed as he sat on the outside of the church, the pale moonlight, arms crossed and pouting childishly. He was kicked out of the church for the night yet again for breaking yet another one of Hunter and Smoker's valuables._

_ It wasn't his fault all of their stuff was so shiny...he liked shiny things. However he raised his head as he heard the church door open and Boomer walk out, with small smile on his face._

_ "Hey their big guy" he said quietly as he sat down next to his giant friend, "Just thought you could use a little company." Tank's eyes shown with happiness as he grabbed the bewildered Boomer and pulled him into a literally bonecrushing hug._

_ Boomer coughed and weezed in his grip, but forced a smile anyway, "I love you too big guy" he laughed._

_End Flashback:_

The fist momentarily raised in the air slowly made it's way back down to it's owner's side. Boomer had closed his eyes, and feebly tried to shield himself with his arms as the fist went up.

And he remained like that as Tank turned around and took a few steps back over to the window. Boomer was still awaiting the final blow before a dark, tired voice suprised him, "Leave" it stated and Boomer slowly opened his eyes and looked over to the beast.

As Boomer painfully rose to his feet, he mustered up all of his courage and took a step towards his friend, "Leave...NOW!" Tank yelled, never turning to face his friend.

Boomer gave a defeated sigh, and began to shuffle his way out the broken doorway. However just as he crossed the threshold, he turned back and looked at the beast, "I love you like a brother Tank...and I always will" he muttered, voice cracking as he disappeared from the office.

Tank listened to his friend's recedding footsteps, and when he was sure he was out of earshot, he released he biggest, anguished sigh he had ever held.

Witch's crimson orbs slowly, and very painfully opened and was confused at the sight before her. It seemed to be the city skyline she had always known, however everything seemed a bit...upside down and dangling gently back and forth.

Feeling the blood rushing to her head, she finally concluded that she was dangling upside down and painfully raised her head towards her feet, only to be met with a grinned comprised of many sharpened teeth.

"Hiya" a familiar voice greeted her and Witch could feel tears brimming in her eyes as she stared at the hooded creature holding her ankles, "Hunter" she murmmered happily, "Is this heaven?"

"Hehe, you wish bitch" a weezing, and somewhat gurgled voice came from behind Hunter, and she manuvered her gaze around Hunter to see Smoker, holding onto her Hunter, with his tongue extended and grappling an extended pillar from one of the many broken floors of the hospital.

It was then she realized that they were dangling awkwardly from a giant skyscraper, with a tongue as their only lifeline, "Oh my God! What are we gonna do?" she demanded franticlly.

Smoker sighed and began to retract his tongue, "Calm down ho" he jeered and Witch growled but decided to keep her mouth shut until she was safely inside.

Green tears softly pattered onto one of the many hallways of Mercy Hospital as Boomer continued to limp further away from the Ceda office. He just lost everyone he cared about, including Tank who was now lost to selfish ambitions that Boomer still didn't understand. He needed to find a way to stop the crazed genius, but he didn't know the first thing about how to do it.

With a frustrated cry Boomer kicked the nearest thing in his path, "Ow...watch it asshole" the form mummbled face down on the floor as Boomer absentmindly walked over it, "Sorry" he muttered uncaring.

Then all at once Boomer abrutly turned around, while the form raised it's head and it was at that moment that Boomer and Bill made eye contact, "...uh...hi" Boomer muttered awkwardly as Bill stared agasp at the talking infected.

Two minutes later Bill struggled violently against his bonds, and yelled into his cloth gag as Boomer attempted to ignore his own pain and carry the beat up Nam veteran over his shoulder.

Entering the elevator, Boomer decended down to the first floor, and as the doors opened he began to get sick of the muffled shouts "Shut up pops, your the only other person that can help me stop Charles Esterfield...now that all my friends are-"

"Boomer?" Boomer eyes widened as he looked down the hallway and saw all three of the very alive special infected giving him curious looks, "Who the hell are you carrying?" Smoker finished asking.

Boomer abruptly dropped Bill to the floor with a muffled yell, and raced over to his friends, bringing them all into a very painful hug due to the injuries, "Oh guys, ow, I thought you were dead, ow."

Hunter winced, "We uh, ow, mi-missed you too." Smoker coughed up some signature green smoke, "Yeah, so do you mind getting off of us, ow. It fucking hurts."

Inside the CEDA office, Tank chuckled evily as he stared into a microscope containing a very calm looking bacteria, "Yes...my calculations were correct. CEDA was at the very end stages of creating a serum capable of manipulating all of the common infected."

Then the abomination carefully picked up a syringe and extracted a small portion of decrepit blood from it's body. He then manuveried it over the bacteria, "It seems they were only missing one key component. One they tried to get out of my jaw with no avail"

Giving his most diaobolical grin he released a single drop, and the bacteria began to violently convulse, "Special Infected blood."

Hunter, Witch, Boomer, and Smoker exited the hospital, tired and with a sense of failure. They still possessed Bill who was painfully being dragged on the ground by Hunter as he looked over to his friends, "Ok guys, we may be injured, but we are all alive and are in possession of one of the survivors. So whats the plan now?"

Witch sighed as she looked at her broken claws, "I'm not gonna be that much use to anybody like this" she moaned and Smoker chuckled, "Eh, you weren't much more then Hunter's tramp anyway" he laughed.

Witch growled and stomped over to him, her face red with embarrassment, "Look you bastard, say another word and I won't need claws when I stick my foot up your a-"

"ATTENTION MY INFECTED BROTHERS!" an incredibly loud voice echoed seemingly from everywhere. Looking up the group tried to gaze up to the top of Mercy Hospital but to no avail.

Expecially now that the clouds from the night before returned, bringing with them a steady torrent of rain, as thunder and lightening echoed from the background.

Suprisingly the group noticed a few of the mindless common infected hault their aimless trudges and glance up momentarily towards the voice.

"FOR TOO LONG YOUR LIVES HAVE BEEN POINTLESS AND HOLLOW, AWAITING DEATH'S SWEET EMBRACE INSTEAD OF HARNESSING YOUR POTENTIAL IMMORTALITY!" Hunter and Witch exchanged worried glances, "What is he doing?" she asked worridly and Hunter had no response.

Up on the rooftop Tank held a microphone in his hands, and several large speakers found throughout the hospital were placed at the sides of the building.

However the rooftop's greatest new asset was a large container with numerous biohazard warning labels embedded into it's surface. Tank's plan seemed perfect, from this high altitude, once the canister containing CEDA's perfected serum was released, it would spread for miles engulfing thousands of common infected.

'And they'll gaze upon me as a God' he thought with a chuckle and pulled the long rope connected to the giant canister's ignition pin.

A sharp hissing noise permeated the canister as boutfuls of the serum slipped through, but Tank got the real reaction he wanted as seconds later the canister erupted into a fireball, sending the serum correning off the sides of the skyscraper.

As Tank watched the fireball from a safe distance, the rain helped spread the chemical faster, and at ground level, Hunter, Smoker, Witch, Boomer, and Bill gazed around franticlly to the hundreds of common infected littering the streets as their eyes began to glow an unearthly yellow.

Then suddenly as if their IQs all raised one hundred points, the thousands of infected infesting the city calmly stood in attention and saluted the top of the skyscraper.

And as the special infected at ground level began to run away into the night, they couldn't escape the dark, sinister laugh that began to erupt from the gigantic skyscraper, as if coming from the heavens above, "I...AM...GOD!"

_Author's Notes: Reviews are greatly appreciated, expecially since I'm worried about the more serious direction these new chapters are taking. Also I know the serum may seem a little cheap and abrupt, but I wanted Tank to have supreme power of the city, and fast, so I just decided that CEDA already had a partial sample done._


	8. The Fall of Charles T Esterfield

_Author's Notes: Ok, I'm sure by now everybody is getting sick of Charles Esterfield and this slightly darker storyline, so I wanna get this overwith and get back to a more carefree storyline. However I don't wanna rush through it, so please tell me if I did this epic conclusion ok. _

_As you can tell this is probably the size of about 3 of my regular chapters and contains many action parts with humor acting as back up. however i can assure you that after this chapter things will go back to the simple comedic basics. Thanks._

_P.S. their is a suprise at the end so that should give you at least some incentive to read this crap hehe._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 8

A steady drizzle of rain rattled the decrepit city streets continously as the storm entered it's second full night. Lightning and thunder were few and far in between at this point, however the thunder would be hard to detect at this time, due to the rows and rows of zombies who were marching in typical goosestep formation.

Their destination was unknown at this point, however they were ordered by their current leader Charles Esterfield, better known as Tank, to keep on constant patrol, to which they would all simultaniously shout "Hail Esterfield!"

Currently up on one of the highest floors of Mercy Hospital, Tank sat at a long table inside a large meeting room which used to house the hospital's top CEOs.

Charles smirked as he folded his massive hands in front of him, and through the dim lighting of the room, several figures sat in shadows as he addressed them.

"Greetings my fellow bretheren, I have given you back your IQs, and have called you all here as my war cabinet in order to discuss our next step for mobilizing our army of the undead. You are the city's most intelligent and well reviered people...which unfortunately in this city doesn't mean much."

Tank looked to his left to the darkened form sitting next to him, and as he did so a light above the form's head grew brighter to reveal a zombie clad in a military officer's uniform, "I give you U.S. general Raymond Odierno, who will of course be in charge of ralling our loyal troops."

Odierno gave a slight nod, "One question, how many Puerto Rican soldiers are in this army?" Tank raised an eyebrow, "Uh...I don't know, probably a couple thousand, why?" Odierno humphed, "Cause I don't want no lazy soldiers in my platoon."

Tank sighed, "And apparently he is also a raciest...anyway let me introduce you all to our next member. I wanted someone with a high medical background, who could serve as our surgeon general for this operation."

The figure sitting next to Odierno suddenly came into light, revealing a smiling old zombie, "Unfortunately all the good doctors in this hospital skipped town before the infection, so may I introduce to you Dr. Jack Kevorkian who was at our city hall giving a speech when the outbreak occured."

Kevorkian smiled at Tank as he pulled out a syringe, "Are you in pain Esterfield? I could end it for you." Tank's eyes widened, "Um...no I'm fine." Kevorkian then turned to Odierno, "Are you in-" "Touch me, and I shove that syringe up your ass old man!"

Tank sighed as he massaged his forehead with his massive hand, before turning to his right, "Anyway, for my next choice, I wanted someone crafty, who could create and manufacture unique weapons and armor for our army. This choice also has a heart of pure evil."

The light brightened over the next form to reveal a smiling older female zombie, "And I could think of no one more crafty and evil then Martha Stewart." Martha's smile widened as she held up knitted sweaters with little reigndeer on them, "Thank you Charles, and may I say that in additon to crafting armor, I have also knitted these darling little sweaters so that our zombies can enjoy the upcoming holiday season."

Odierno slammed his fist down and stood up from his chair, "If you think for one moment that I'm gonna lead an army of soldiers wearing pansy-ass reigndeer sweaters, then you got another thing coming you piece of shi-" Odierno's rant was cut short as a stilleto knife flew through the air, and pierced his thick neck, compliments of Martha.

As Odierno gagged for air on the ground, Tank chuckled, "Told you she was evil." Then suddenly Tank frowned and looked at the final form sitting directly across from him, "And finally for some reason we have Al Gore" he groaned as the light shone upon a zombified Al Gore who gave a slight smile.

"Why thank you Mr. Esterfield, however I must say that before we conquer the world, I believe we should conquer an even more important problem, global warming." Tank glared at the suited zombie across from him, "Al, for the last time I don't give a shit about global warming."

Gore seemed crestfallen, "I'm just saying, their won't be a world to conquer after it erupts in flames and-" "Just shut up damnit!" Tank sighed as he stood up from his chair and walked over to the room's glass window.

As he looked down at his unstopable army, he wore a look of contempt, 'God, going to war with these idiots is like doing it with my old comrades'. Thinking of them made his frown deepen, "Rest in peace my friends" he muttered.

A few miles away rain fell rhythmically onto a building with a familiar red door with small bars on the window. Behind that red door, 5 forms sat in various forms of repose as they held faces ranging from sadness to bordem.

The hooded one groaned, "Man, never thought we'd actually be on this side of a saferoom" he chuckled bitterly as Witch put a comforting claw on his shoulder.

On the other side of the room, Boomer and Smoker stood before a petrified Bill, "Alright old man! Tell us everything you know about killing special infected, now!" Bill stared at them in a daze, "Zoey told me they could talk...but I didn't believe her" he muttered almost incoherently.

Smoker sighed, weezing up a green puff of smoke as Boomer stared at the old man almost worried, "I think you traumatized him Smoker." Smoker chuckled, "Na I don't think it was me who traumatized the old fool. He probably saw some screwed up shit in Nam and now its all coming back in one of those 'crazy-people' flashbacks."

At this Hunter's eyes widened and he raced over to the others, "Thats it! This guys a war veteran in one of the most brutal wars ever. All we need to do is get him to tell us some super covert commando stuff, and I bet we can stop Tank in no time."

Turning to Bill, he flashed his claws and teeth, "Alright old man, tell us how you guys fought the British." This resulted in a smack on the back of the head from Hunter, "Hunter you idiot, they didn't fight the British in the Vietnam War!"

Hunter raised an eyebrow, "They didn't?" Smoker groaned, "No, they fought the Nazis you moron. Everyone knows that." With this, Witch pushed the two out of the way and kneeled before the shivering senior.

"Listen sir, can you please help us? Their former friend has become a power hungry dictator, and wants to rid the world of humans and other special infected so he can rule over his zombie minions." Bill studdered, "I-I p-p-pissed my pants" and Witch sighed.

Boomer knelt next to her, "And he has your friends." At this Bill stopped his stammering and looked the obese member right in the eyes, "...Ok, lets do it."

Zoey groaned as consiouness hit her, however as she became aware she found that she wasn't lying on the floor, yet suspended horizontally. Looking up she found that her hands were bound by chains and attached to a pipe.

Surveying her surroundings, she realized she was in an operating room, most likely in Mercy Hospital, and located Francis and Luis dangling next to her, still unconsious.

"Francis, Luis" she whispered in fear that someone would hear her, and either she had very bad luck or a loud voice because at that moment the door opened and Tank walked in.

Zoey's breath caught in her throat as the abomination walked up to her, it's face completly emotionless, "Greetings my pet" he purred darkly. Zoey mustered up her courage to ask, "Wh-what are you gonna do to me?"

His hand reached over to a table full of surgical insturments and picked up a syringe. Holding it up to the girl's neck, Zoey started to panic, "I need human subjects in order to research ways of eliminating the human population, and unfortunately for you three your the only ones."

Thats when Zoey realized something, "Wh-wheres Bill?" "The war veteran? Dead most likely" he said casually. Zoey's eyes widened as Tank pushed the cold steel against her throat, "I'm going to enjoy cutting you open for the trouble you caused me earlier."

However he abruptly pulled away and headed for the door, "But now is not the time. So rest up my pet, your going to need the stamina" he chuckled and walked through the door.

Tank soon arrived at the front entrance of the hospital and as he exited he came upon his general, Raymond Odireno and his weaponsmith Martha Stewart bickering in front of an awaiting army of zombies.

"Aww come on you old bitch, I already overlooked the fact that our army are wearing stupid reigndeer sweaters, but the Santa hats and red mittens are too much! Its not even that cold yet." Martha responded with a smile, "But they accent the sweaters so well, and just scream festive."

Tank groaned and walked past the two and stood before his army, who in response straightened their postures and saluted. Tank cleared his throat, "Men...creatures...whatever, tonight is the night that we march past our city's boundaries and advance into a new world, a better world. The path before us will be filled with many obsticales and many of you will not make it. But for those who do, a new utopia is on the horizon!"

The zombies began to cheer as Tank held up a fist, "So once and for all lets-" Suddenly a form came up behind him and whispered in his ear, "stop global warming" "-yes, stop global warming!" The zombies all stared confused at their leader and Tank immediatly turned around and punched Al Gore in the face, "Fuck off!"

Soon the army was marching as a unified force down one of the main roads of the city, its destination was what laid beyond the city, and eventually the world.

In the front was Martha and Raymond, who grumbled to himself about his army's current attire. Tank watched as his army began to fade off into the distance, save for a couple dozen who were ordered to guard the hospital.

Dr. Kevorkian was currently prepping an operating room for the human subjects, and Al Gore was tagging along beside Tank as he retreated back into his fortress, as the invasion began.

Fifthteen minutes later as the army continued its march, Oderino tried to hold up a map towards a street-lamp, and growled, "I can't make out this map at all. All of the surrounding cities are covered with hearts...Martha!"

Martha smiled next to him, "I believe it adds ombiance to our destination." Oderino growled to himself, "Well unless New Jersey is covered in hearts, this map isn't worth shit" he said as he threw the map away.

At that moment, explosions rocked the sides of the street, causing debry to cascade onto the front of the group, effectivly cutting off Oderino, and Martha from their army, save for a dozen zombies at the very front.

"What the fuck happened?" the general screamed to the dozen zombies not cut off, who in return shrugged their decaying shoulders.

On top of a catwalk, a tall weezing abomination and a frail female with red eyes stared in awe at the explosions, "Damn...the war vet sure knows his C4" Smoker muttered and Witch absentmindly nodded before they decided to abandon their hiding place and landed before the confused general.

"Alright, who the hell are you two assholes?" he growled and Smoker grinned, "I'm the amazing Smoker, and this bitch right here is the amazing crybaby."

Witch turned to him, "What?" Smoker chuckled, "Well, only you and a newborn cry so much." Witch put her hands on her hips, "Yeah? Well only you and a man with severe throat cancer weeze so much."

As the two glared daggers at each other, Oderino chuckled, "You think you two got it bad? Martha here decided to dress our army up in Christmas clothes." Martha smirked evily, "And I believe its time to put them to the test."

Martha abruptly turned to the dozen zombies, "Alpha squad, attack directory sigma gamma sigma!" Suddenly the zombies held up their mittens and the front parts retracted to reveal miniture missle launchers.

As the missle launchers began to power up, Smoker, Witch, and even Oderino had the same thought, "Holy Shit."

Over at the front entrance of Mercy Hospital, two guards stood in attention at the glass doors. The one on the left ajusted his Santa hat, "Dude, do you think these make us look gay?"

The one on the right chuckled, "Totally, but they are comfy though." The one on the right nodded before his head exploded, compliments of a sniper's bullet.

The remaining zombie screamed like a girl before his head followed suit, exploding into a fine pink mist.

Across the street, Hunter and Boomer stared in awe at the smoking rifle in Bill's hands, as the veteran smirked, "Tangos down."

A quick dash across the street later and the trio burst through the doors, suprising several zombie guards patrolling the lobby.

Bill began to fire his uzi into the creature's chests however he was alarmed by their effect, "What the fuck? Those sweaters and hats are bulletproof! Who made these friggin things!"

Martha laughed as Smoker and Witch sloppily dodged the little porjectiles that made quite an explosion when they struct something. Oderino chuckled, "Gotta hand it to ya Martha, these things are amazing...a little gay, but still pretty amazing."

One of the explosions struck close to the duo and Smoker and Witch found themselves thrown against a building wall, "Damnit, this is getting us nowhere. We can't get close enough to do any damage" and Smoker's eyes instantly lit up, "Thats it!"

Witch gasped as she felt a slimey tounge wrap around her bare waist, "Eww! Get it off you freak!" she screamed as she was suddenly lifted into the air and towards the zombies.

"Wiich, slass thee witc chur caws!" Smoker yelled, ordering Witch to slash the zombies with her claws. And Witch did just that as she held her claws out, slicing through the kevlar sweaters like butter, wincing after every hit because her claws were still injured from before.

Oderino and Martha watched in shock as their only back up was cut into shreads before Smoker abruptly released his tounge with it's contents in mid air, allowing Witch to fall 7 feet onto her ass.

"Ow, watch it you jerk!" she yelled at Smoker before barely dodging two throwing knives thrown by Odierno and Martha. Smoker and Witch hugged each other's backs as Martha stood in front of Witch and Odierno stood in front of Smoker, before the two zombies charged them.

Odierno and Martha both gave screams, holding sharp knives in front of them as Smoker and Witch remained in place, "Ready Smoker...1...2...3!" Witch screamed and the second the two closed in, Smoker and Witch used their superior agility to dodge out of the way in time for Odierno and Martha to impale themselves on each other's blades.

Raymond looked down at the knife as blood gushed all over his uniform, "Aww...you...you stupid bitch" he muttered. Martha gave a weak grin, "L-look at it this way...it adds more flavor to your work attire" she gave one last chuckle before the two collapsed on each other.

Inside the hospital Hunter, Bill, and Boomer were having a hard time pushing back the armor-clad zombies who continously tried to attack them.

"Damn it, we need to distract them somehow! Let see, their still zombies so I just gotta figure out what zombies like" Hunter pondered as the three hid behind a pillar, Bill still trying to shoot through their armor.

Thats when Hunter had a great idea much like Smokers, and looked over to Boomer, "Hey Boomer, whats that on Bill's collar?" he asked innocently, resulting in Boomer turning towards the pre-occupied war veteran.

Then swiftly, the hooded beast delievered a punch to his friend's stomach, resulting in a spew of Boomer bile all over the bewildred old man, "Aww what the hell?" he screamed before Hunter grabbed him and threw him towards the zombies.

The zombies immediatly haulted, "Aww man whats that smell? It smells...heavenly" one said in a dream-like trance as the group of zombies looked down at Bill, "Hey there sexy" another cooed and Bill took off down the hall, screaming all the way.

Boomer and Hunter stared at the retreating forms in confused silence, "...Hes gonna get raped, isn't he?" Boomer muttered and Hunter shrugged his shoulders before the two entered the elevator, destination the top floor.

After arriving at the top floor, Boomer and Hunter dashed down the many rows of doors, temorarily stopping in front of a slightly opened operating room.

Peaking in, the pair's eyes widened at the sight of Dr. Jack Kevorkian prepping various needles and scapels as Zoey, Francis, and Luis looked at the two with pleading eyes.

"Help" meeped Zoey and Dr. Kevorkian stared in silence at the two, "Uh...carry on?" Hunter muttered and the doctor smiled before going back to preparing his experiments.

Boomer and Hunter continued their sprint towards the very end of the hall and with one hard slash the door to the hospital meeting room was torn into pieces, revealing the back of Tank, as he calmly stared out the window.

An awkward silence hung in the air, the only movement was the rain as it trickled down the glass windows, before Tank humphed, "So...your alive Hunter. I can only guess that the others have not perished as well?" Tank asked coolly.

Hunter clenched his fists, "Thats right you son of a bitch! And this time we're gonna stop you!" he screamed resulting in Tank bursting out laughing, "You always were a foolish one Hunter, but the results will be the same. And Boomer I will not spare you again."

The awkward silence returned with full force as the trio commenced in a standoff, which ended when Tank picked up one of the room's tables, "Well then, have at you!" he screamed as he threw it at his former friends.

Ten minutes later Smoker and Witch arrived at the entrance to the hospital, "Ok, we stalled the army, lets just hope with Bill's help they were able to stop Tank fro-" Witch stopped short as Bill ran by screaming, several horny-looking zombies giving chase behind him, "Where ya going beautiful!" one screamed as they faded down one of the hospital's corridors.

"Ah, shit their in trouble" Smoker groaned as the two ran into the elevator and took it to the top floor. After a brief run in with Dr. Kevorkian and his patients, which again resulted in a simple "Carry on", Smoker and Witch ran into the hospital meeting room which at this point was in shambles.

Witch gasped at the sight of her boyfriend and Boomer out cold on the floor, Tank standing strong in the middle, "Welcome, your just in time for the party" he laughed and charged the two.

As Smoker and Witch fought the losing battle with Esterfield, Boomer's good eye fluttered open with a signature gurgle, before he spotted a metal rod from a broken piece of furniture a few feet away.

With great pain, the obese member crawled towards the makeshift weapon, and as he grasped hold of it, Smoker landed on the ground unconcious, Witch following suit as Tank laughed maniaclly.

"You fools! I have defeated you yet again, when will you learn? My ambitions are what give me power, because unlike you I have a goal, I have a purpose! What do you worthless beings desire huh? What are your petty wants?"

Tank stopped his rant abruptly as he heard a voice behind him, "I just want my friend back" Boomer muttered, and as Charles T. Esterfield turned around he recieved a devestating shot from the metal rod directly into his jaw.

Tank's eyes widened as he felt his treasured appendage dislocate and fly across the room, his tounge once again dangling freely from his face.

As Tank stood motionless, Boomer closed his eyes and waited for a retaliation, but what he didn't expect was two massive arms pulling him into a giant hug.

"Tank, your back!" Boomer yelled happily as Tank laughed absent-mindedly, before Boomer quickly dashed over to each of his friends and shook them out of their stupors

"Ow, aww God I think I got hit by a truck" Hunter muttered before looking at Tank, "Oh shit!" he screamed before Boomer quickly explained the situation to everyone.

"Its good to have you back big guy" Hunter laughed as he patted his friend's shoulder, Witch accompaning him. However Tank winced as he felt a rolled up newspaper smack him on the back of the head.

"Bad, thats a bad Tank! You don't try to massacere us and attempt to take over the world with an army of the undead! Jeez this is worse then the time you peed on the carpet!" Smoker yelled as Tank began to cry.

Smoker stared at the crying idiot for a few seconds before sighing and patting him on his back, "Its good to have you back to your normal self. Oh shit, speaking of which we gotta find a way to turn the zombies back to normal!" Smoker exclaimed.

"To the CEDA lab" Hunter yelled dramatically, pointing a finger towards the exit, however as the group began to march out they heard a gun cock back.

Everyone's eyes widened as the zombie Al Gore walked into the room, a shotgun in his hands, "Well well, where do you guys think your going."

Smoker raised an eyebrow, "Is that Al Gore?" he muttered disbelivingly and the zombie aimed the 12 guage at the weezing member's head, "Your damn right its me! And now that I'm in charge people are gonna listen to me damnit! Global warming will be stopped-oh shit" he muttered as Tank stomped towards him.

It took only a few seconds later for Al Gore to find himself smashing threw a glass window and cascading to the pavement below as the group left the meeting room and headed towards CEDA's office

Meanwhile inside a certain operating room, Dr. Jack Kevorkian picked up a syringe and grinned at his 'patients', "Well now, who here is in mortal pain?" he chuckled before he was interrupted once again, however this time it was by Bill.

"Let them go asshole" the veteran growled as he reloaded his uzi as Kevorkian sniffed the air, "What is that smell, it smells so...sexy" he muttered before Bill pumped his ass full of lead.

Twenty minutes later, the four survivors made their way out of the hospital and towards the nearest saferoom, while the five special infected arrived at the rooftop, a large canister in Tank's hands.

"You sure this is the stuff Smoker?" Hunter asked as he read over the label of the chemical concoction produced by CEDA. After a hack and a weeze the tall member responded, "Yep, it says on the label that it was designed as a fail-safe in case their other chemical backfired on them."

With a pull of the pin, the chemicals were released in a brilliant display of glitter-like substance, and as the undead horde's eyes dissapated their unearthly glow, the special infected breathed sighs of relief.

"Well this was a fun way to spend the night" Smoker muttered sarcastically as he headed for the roof's exit. Boomer, Tank, and Hunter soon began to follow as Witch watched her new friends leave to go back to their home.

However Hunter paused and turned towards her, "You coming Witch?" Witch's eyes widened, "T-to your home? Are you sure?" Hunter nodded and she surveyed his group for their approval.

Tank and Boomer smiled happily at her, and Smoker silently glared although didn't say a thing as Witch tagged along, eager to see her new residence.

_Author's Notes: Holy crap that sucked. It was too long, the whole ending was abrupt, and I feel like it was overall corny so if you were gonna leave a review to tell me any of these things then I beat you to it hehe._

_Anyway thank you so much for sticking with this chapter to the end, and I really implore you to leave even just a brief review to tell me that I didn't completly butcher my whole story with this 'epic' chapter._

_And as an added treat, as well as a way to create suspense, I now present to you the prolouge of my next chapter._

Desperate footsteps echoed down a withered street as a cloaked figure sped through small puddles of rain water, curtosy of the current downpour that was now drenching every city road in it's wake.

Paniced and tired breaths were deafened only by the loud and constant cries coming from the cloaked figure's arms as a small bundle wailed on, wrapped in a blanket while the figure continued onward into the cruel night.

The echos of the single pair of footsteps soon became countless as hoarse and hungry moans made their way down the street, close behind the cloaked figure who was trying to make a break for a nearby safehouse.

A small pothole haulted the figure momentarily resulting in a small feminine shriek from behind the cloak, the bundle falling from her hands which led to louder wails as a baby cried from it's place in the middle of the wet street.

A young lady with ivory skin and long brown hair grasped the blanket in her arms lovingly, "Shh baby, its going to be alright" she muttered as the woman stood up from the ground and continued on, the screams of the zombie horde closer with every second.

Reaching a four way intersection, the woman gasped as she looked down all four ways to see nothing but undead creatures slowly advancing on her and her child, they were completly surrounded.

Glancing around quickly she spotted the nearby safehouse door, the red barred door was familiar with survivors and she wasted no time sprinting full force as the horde closed in.

Wind and rain pelted against the woman's face while she concentrated on the red door, her baby clutched tightly to her chest.

However as the poor lady was within five feet of salvation she felt decrepit hands hit her back, sending her to the ground.

The woman shrieked as the undead began to claw at her back, lightning and thunder making themselves known as they drowned out the sounds of the woman's cries of agony mixed with her child.

However with the last of the woman's strength she pushed away some of the infected giving her enough time to crawl over to the slightly opened safehouse door and closed it behind her.

The scene sets outside a red door with bars, the rain water softly trickling down it's metal surface. Through the bars one could hear the cries and sobs of a young child, followed closely by weak reassurances that everything was going to be alright.

As the scene slowly goes inside it is evident that the room was well used due to numerous dicarded sleeping bags, food cans, and various writings all over the walls.

However the scariest attribute to the room was the trail of blood that led to a wall where a bloody form clutched a child to her chest, her hair covering her face as she weakly stroked the child's head, "Shh...its...ok now...we're...safe."

Cautious footsteps caught the woman's attention and she was able to make out the sillouete of a large man through the faint moonlight that was able to permeate the rainclouds and shine through the bars.

The woman studied the dark outline for a few seconds before determining it was not from the horde outside, "P...please..." she muttered as blood trickled from her mouth, "Take...my baby...m...make sure shes...safe..." the woman ended her sentence as her head slumped to the side, eyes closing as her breath ceased.

The large figure stared at the deceased woman for a few seconds longer before looking at the crying child the woman spoke of. Silently the form reached down and grasped the little girl with it's chubby arms before holding her up.

Boomer looked the baby girl over for a few seconds, "Shit" he muttered before looking around to make sure there were no survivors or horde nearby.

Quickly he wrapped the baby up in it's blanket and pushed open the unlocked safehouse door.

Bracing himself for the rain he set out, jogging for the nearby church in the distance, lighting flashing and thunder crackling the whole way.


	9. Merry Christmas Mr Smoker

_Author's Notes: Hello everyone, and welcome to my second Christmas chapter of this story, and since my first chapter focused mainly on Boomer, Hunter, and Witch, I thought I should mix it up a bit and give some Christmas cheer to grumpy old Smoker_

_Now granted I did say I would go back to the comedic basics and you will see that their is a serious overlay to this chapter since I like some depth in the holiday chapters, but it is more of a heartwarming and suspenceful seriousness, rather then the dark, and action oriented seriousness of the Esterfield saga._

_Also I wanna apologize again for the medicore and dullness of my last chapter, I just really wanted to get this chapter in before Christmas and that chapter severely suffered from it. However I promise from now on that I will attempt to bring you quality writing. Well anyway, enough of my ramblings, and I hope you enjoy this year's Christmas chapter._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 9

Faint sunlight was able to permeate the dark clouds in the early hours of the cold December morning, as an obese member trudged its way past decrepit houses on the outskirts of a large city.

The little bundle wrapped in Boomer's hands had long since silenced its wails, and was now napping peacefully in the special infected's embrace.

Boomer studied the child, possibly about one and a half to two years old, with back-length light brown hair, and a content smile on her chubby baby cheeks. He didn't know if she was at speaking age yet, and honestly it wasn't the main thing on his mind right now as he pondered his situation.

In reality, the overweight infected had no idea what the hell he was doing with this child, but when he saw the desperate look in it's mothers eyes as she begged him to take care of it, he hadn't thought twice as he took it from her.

Right now he was worried about what he was gonna tell the other guys as the church came into sight, but his eyebrow raised as he heard loud music echo from church windows.

_Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock_

_Jingle Bell Swing and Jingle Bells Ring_

Boomer knew it was Christmas eve today, but he didn't really think that anybody in the church would be celebrating it, since he seemed to be the only Christmas enthusiast of the group.

Caustiously Boomer pushed open the door to his home, and stared in awe at the various garlen, bowes, and Christmas decorations that littered the walls and ceiling of the small church.

Looking over to the corner, he noticed a large tree with a long step ladder placed in front of it. Witch stood at the top of the ladder, a Santa hat on her head as Hunter handed her various tree ornaments from a box in his hands.

"What the hell?" Boomer muttered, almost completely inaudible over the loud Christmas music that continued to blar, however he almost jumped as Smoker appeared next to him, "I know, its sickening isn't it?" the weezing member growled as he glared at the two who hadn't acknowledged their presence.

"Where did all this stuff come from?" Boomer curiously asked, "While you were out on one of your midnight adventures doing god knows what, those two over their decided the place needed to be decorated for Christmas, so they looted this shit out of a Christmas store in the mall."

Hunter chuckled as he walked up to them, "Aww come on guys, Witch said this place needed some Christmas cheer, and what better way then to have our own Christmas party!" Hunter shouted with joy and then suddenly noticed the child in his friend's arms.

"And Boomer even brought us a Christmas dinner! Way to go pal" the hooded member thanked him as he swipped the bundel from Boomer's bewildered arms.

With quick movements Hunter brought the confused baby girl over to the group's make-shift kitchen and laid her on a cutting board.

Picking up a meat cleaver, he raised it back with all his might, "Hunter no!" Boomer screamed as he plowed into his friend, knocking the two into Witch's ladder.

Witch's eyes widened as the ladder tipped to the right, and she screamed loudly as she landed through a wooden table.

Smoker laughed as he watched his three friends awkward postions on the ground, but paused as he noticed a new voice joining in on his laugh, the toddler.

Smoker walked up to the cutting board and glanced down at the laughing toddler, "So you think thats funny do you?" Smoker asked, somewhat amused as Boomer nudged him out of the way and picked up the girl.

"Ok Boomer, what the hell is your problem?" Hunter demanded as he stood up and glared at his friend, Witch groggly getting to her feet.

"I-its just that...this little girl's mother is dead and before she died she begged me to watch after her" he studdered while looking at his three friend's stern glares.

However as Witch looked down at the infant, her look softened, "Aww, its so cute!" she squealed and swipped it from Boomer, making sure not to accidently harm her with her claws.

She held it up towards the light and examined her, with her light green eyes, and little pink nightgown, "Hey their cutey, whats your name?" she cooed before the baby abruptly spit up on her.

Smoker commenced his laughing once again, weezing after every howl of laughter until the baby cut him off, "Weezy" she cooed happily and Smoker raised an eyebrow.

"Weezy? Who the hell names their kid Weezy" As Witch angerly handed the child back to Boomer, Hunter chuckled, "I think shes talking about you dude, the kid named you Weezy since you weeze all the time."

Hunter then howled with laughter himself, giving his trademark growls in between his laughs, "Growly" he heard the baby yell and the hooded monster's eyes narrowed.

"That was a cheap shot kid" he growled at the toddler before she pointed towards Boomer, "Gurgly, teehee" instead of getting mad like the rest, Boomer simply smiled down at her, "So what are we gonna name her?"

"How about we name her dinner" Hunter quickly exclaimed before trying to once again grab her from Boomer's embrace. When that failed he sighed, "Ok ok...how about Sara?"

Witch pondered, "What about Evilynn? It sounds so exotic." Boomer smiled at the toddler, "What about Gwyneth?" The baby didn't seem amused by any of these names as she glared at them, and Smoker frowned at it, "How about we just call you Mini-Brat, since your gonna be a pain in the ass."

"Mini-Brat!" the baby cheered and everyone's faces dropped, "You...can't be serious" Hunter mumbled and the baby cocked its head to the side as it smiled, "Mini-Brat, Mini-Brat!"

Boomer gently set the baby on its feet as it awkwardly stood and stared at them, its care-free smile never fading. They all looked at it like a deer in a headlight, "So...what do we do with it?" Boomer asked before two giant biceps grabbed him from behind and pulled him into a crushing embrace.

"Gah! Tank what are you doing?" Boomer demanded as Tank continued to hug his friend and laugh, and Boomer noticed that the giant infected's cheeks were glowing red, "Tank...are you drunk?" he asked.

"Hell yeah, he's wasted. Hes been drinking our spiked eggnog all morning" Hunter laughed before looking up and noticing that Witch and him were standing under a misteltoe connected to the ceiling.

He grinned as he nudged her, "Hey Witch, look up?" Witch did what she was told and as she noticed the misteltoe, she blushed madly before Hunter glomped her with a barrage of kisses.

Smoker stared at his friends before him, on one side Boomer and Tank palled around like two best friends, while on the right Witch giggled as her and Hunter began to makeout.

The tall infected crossed his arms and glared at them, "Hmn...idiots" he muttered, but their was an inkling of jealousy in him as he watched his friends enjoy the Christmas time without him.

Suddenly he noticed that the little girl next to him had also crossed her arms and put on a fake glare, in a somewhat juvenille attempt at mimicing him. "Are you mocking me you little runt?" he asked and the little girl only smiled in return.

A few hours later as the afternoon crept in, the special infected were delighted to find that the dreary rain of the past few days was replaced with snow, and currently everyone was out in the church's courtyard, enjoying the festive weather.

Tank laughed happily as he frolicked through the snow, Mini-Brat securely on his shoulders as she giggled along with her new friend which she nick-named "Roar-roar".

Boomer attempted to catch various snowflakes on his tongue, and as the snow reached the two inch mark, Witch and Hunter attempted to make snow angels next to each other.

However as they both got up, Witch's eyes widened as she looked at her boyfriend's indent to see that it had devil wings and horns, "H-how did?" Hunter sighed, "That always keeps happening to me."

Under one of the yard's withered trees, Smoker sat with a frown on his face, ignoring all of the laughs his friends were making. However he turned his head when he heard footsteps crunch in the snow and looked silently at Mini-Brat.

"What?" he demanded as the small child looked at him, "Play?" she asked simply and Smoker scoffed at her, closing his eyes as he attempted to take a nap, "Get lost kid, I'm not into your childish little games and-" he was cut off as a snowball smacked him in the face.

His eyes angerly opened as he looked at the laughing child, "Oh you are so dead kid" Smoker muttered as he grabbed a handful of snow, and crafted it into a large ball.

Moments later girly screams erupted from behind the tree, and the special infected raced over in a panic, "Mini-Brat! Smoker you better not have-" but Witch stopped as they came upon a horrific scene.

Smoker lay on the ground, only his head exposed as a mountain of snow was packed on top of him, with little Mini-Brat sitting on top, cross-legged, "Get...get this little monster away from me" Smoker demanded from his place under the pile.

Evening came sooner then most of the group would have hoped, and they all soon found themselves around a large dinner table at the back of the church.

The group waited with anticipation before Smoker appeared with several sizzling entrees in his hands and a chef's hat on his head. Even though he wasn't too fond of the Christmas season, Smoker loved to cook and would typically flant his culinary talents at the guys.

"Ok assholes, tonight for you I have a nice roasted survivor torso, marinated in an amazing duck sauce, and served with a side of brain soup, and some fried eyeballs" he proudly yelled as he placed a platter in front of everyone, including Mini-Brat, who stared at the platter with hesitance.

Witch glared at him, "Smoker! Mini-Brat is a child" she said, resulting in Smoker picking up a bottle of ketchup, and drawing a smiley face on the torso, "There you go."

Witch sighed, "I meant a 'human' child. Don't you guys have any food items from before the infection?" Hunter pondered this, "Hmn, well there was some cans of squash and corn that some survivors left laying around."

"Perfect!" the frail girl cheered and Smoker threw off his hat, "Aww come on! I slaved over a hot stove for this little runt, and now I gotta go back and make it something else?"

"Yep" Hunter muttered as he, and everyone else dug into their meals, except for Mini-Brat who patiently waited for her meal as Smoker sighed and marched away.

Ten minutes later Smoker once again appeared with a bowl of mashed squash in his green hands, "Ok guys, thanks for waiting up for me because I have retur-" he paused as he noticed that the table was vacant, except for Mini-Brat.

Studying the child, he realized their was a note taped to her forhead and he yanked it away, resulting in a small "ouch" from the little girl.

_Dear Smoker, thank you for the delicious meal. Sorry we couldn't wait up for you, but its getting late and we all wanted to go out and get some Christmas presents for each other. Of course we couldn't take Mini-Brat in fear that the zombie horde will get her. Plus I think you guys should spend some quality time together. We'll get you something nice._

_Sincerly, Hunter._

_P.S. Witch says if anything happens to that child that shes gonna chop your nuts off...but I told her that was still impossible. Hahaha._

Smoker growled angerly as he crumpled the note up and abruptly sat down next to the kid, "Alright kid, open your trap!" he demanded and as Mini-Brat slightly parted her lips, her eyes widened as Smoker shoveled a large quanity of squash into her bulging cheeks.

While he continued to force-feed the child, he looked at the vacant table inside the rotting church and he sighed as a flashback of his childhood hit him.

_Flashback:_

_Little five year old Samuel, who would later be known as Smoker, sat at a dirty wooden table inside a large facility known as St. Joseph's Orphanage. Several other orphans surrounded him as they all ate in silence, snow falling outside one of the room's many windows._

_ A middle-aged nun walked into the room with a frown as she looked at all of the ill-fated kids, "Merry Christmas children" she said simply as she patted each one on the shoulder before retreating from the room._

_ Samuel stared at his miniscule meal before a single tear slid down his cheek._

_End Flashback:_

Smoker haulted his feeding for a moment as he became lost in his day-dream before he noticed the child looking at him, like she wanted to know what he was thinking, "What? Hmn, you wouldn't understand" he chuckled until he thought of something.

Here was a little girl who just lost her only family, and was now an orphan, spending Christmas eve in a dirty old church, with her only company being a bitter, weezing monster, "Hehe...maybe you would understand" he said simply as he cracked a slight grin for the first time at Mini-Brat, "Weezy!" she cheered.

Suddenly both of them tensed up as loud bangs at the doors and windows caught their attention, followed soon by hungry moans and roars from outside, "No! They found us, damnit!" Smoker screamed as one of the windows was broken by a decaying hand.

Smoker knew what they were here for, the little girl, but he still wasn't sure how they were able to smell a human from this long of a distance.

Thats when he realized something and looked down at the torso of a survivor he was about to feast on, "Shit, they smelled the blood" he murmmered as the door finally gave way and dozens of undead began to swarm the compound.

Now Smoker could be described as a very selfish man, whos own wants came long before the needs of others. And his friends believed that hell itself would freeze over before the weezing member would stick his neck out to save anyone, let alone a survivor.

But that didn't explain why seconds later Smoker quickly grabbed the petrified Mini-Brat and raced for the ladder that led to the church's bell-tower. Perhaps it was the fact that the little tike remind him much of himself, or maybe he didn't want to be under Witch's wrath, but the normally cold and distant infected didn't want to see the little girl's blood spilled by the vicious undead.

With the little girl safely secured in Smoker's long tongue, the abomination desperatly climbed the rusty ladder, kicking away the hands that attempted to grab hold of him as he reached the top.

Slamming the trap door down on one of the infected's heads, Smoker knew that it wouldn't hold them for long as he sat, huddled against the side of the bell tower with the baby crying in his arms.

"Shh baby, everythings going to be alright" Smoker tried to calm Mini-Brat, but remembering the exact same words from her mother moments before she died, only increased the little girl's tears.

Smoker attempted to look past the railing and through the blistering snow to find a place of safety for the two, and could barely make out the sillouette of the city close by.

He knew it was a long shot, but the city was riddled with saferooms and escape routes, and at this time it was their best shot. And so, cradling the baby tight in his arms he got a running start and jumped from the belltower and landed in the courtyard, the snow cushioning their fall.

The common infected were not fooled by this however, and they soon exited the building and gave chase to the sprinting Smoker with their target in his arms.

_Author's Notes: Now I don't normally suggest music to play during certain scenes of my story, however I believe that the song Carol of the Bells would fit decently into the next part of my story_. Personally I enjoy David Foster's rendition, maybe give it a listen.

Smoker ran for all he was worth, his long legs giving him a good stride, however his constant weezing severely withered his lung capacity. The snow stung his face, and his feet were cold and wet, but the advancing footsteps from behind him caused him to feel a rejuvination in stamina.

The familiar city streets didn't come a moment too soon, as a dozen more zombies joined in the chase as Smoker passed by, the child's cries reduced to whimpers as he stumbled over a familiar pothole, but stood his ground.

Coming to a four-way intersection, he gasped at the sight of zombies coming from all four directions and then spotted a safehouse door just a short distance away.

Just as he felt the zombies enclose on him he slammed the red door on them, breathing a sigh of relief as the zombies desperatly tried to claw at the baby through the bars.

Smoker abruptly slipped on something wet and regained his footing before noticing a trail of blood that ended at the wall, "Mama" the baby muttered and Smoker's eyes widened as he looked at the pale form of a young woman laying motionless against the wall, a thin trail of dried blood caked her lips.

"Mama?" Smoker asked disbelivingly as he looked at the baby's deceased mother, and deliberately drowned out the sounds of the angry zombies as he contemplated this baby's fate.

Smoker's childhood Christmases at the orphanarium were nothing compared to what this poor kid had to endure. Being chased by a zombie mob and having to relive your mother's death were the most traumatizing things Smoker could think of as Mini-Brat stared silently at her mom.

Smoker noticed a clock on the wall that read 10:30 PM, and then looked sternly at the child. Smoker would never admit it, but he missed the smile she constantly wore, "Alright runt, if its the last thing I do i'll get you out of this city before Christmas" he declared and the baby must have understood because she smiled once again.

Smoker looked down at the mom, "I promise" he whispered, remembering Boomer telling him what the mother had begged of him, and calmly walked over to the door.

Outside of the safehouse, over thirty zombies attempted to push each other out of the way to get towards the barred door, until suddenly a long tongue violently flew through the bars and began to bat the various zombies out of the way.

Using their number to his advantage, Smoker watched in satisfaction as they all attempted to rise at once, stumbling over each other to obtain their selfish desire.

Quickly throwing the door open, Smoker ran from their sanctuary and into the unforgiving city streets, his destination the helipad of Mercy Hospital, "Christ, I hate always going to that friggin place" he muttered as he charged towards the brilliant skyscraper.

The number of zombies seemingly inrceased to the forties as he advanced towards the front doors of the facility, until just like Mini-Brat's mother, Smoker felt the undead tackle him to the ground.

As they began to claw at Smoker's body, the special infected used the last of his strength to wrap his tongue around the child's body and hoisted her far into the air, out of the reach of the common infected.

The child's wails echoed far into the night as Smoker tried to stay conscoius or risk dropping Mini-Brat into the awaiting zombie horde. A few blocks over in a dusty old saferoom, four figures heard the desperate cries, "Lets go" the oldest one ordered.

Despite Smoker's superior durability, the slashes had begun to draw blood and he was moments away from passing out, until shots rang out and the surrounding zombies began to drop one by one.

As the last one met its end at the end of an assault rifle, Smoker painfully rose and held the baby in his hands. However his eyes widened as Bill, Zoey, Luis, and Francis aimed their guns at him, "Drop the survivior, now" Zoey demanded.

"No, no you got it all wrong. I was just gonna take her to safety I swear" he pleaded but if fell on deaf ears as Zoey pumped her shotgun, "Yeah I'm sure thats the case. Now hand her over and I promise to end you quickly" she ordered.

Smoker sighed as he looked at the child, 'At least she'll be safe' he thought sadly until a form jumped onto a streetlight a few meters away from the group, "Found them" Hunter muttered before giving his trademark yell and pouncing towards them "Surpise bitch!" he screamed as Zoey landed on the pavement with the hooded monster on top of her.

As the other survivors attempted to retaliate the ground began to rumble as Tank stormed onto the scene, followed close behind by Witch and Boomer. While the survivors began to combat the infected, Smoker took this time to slip away and ran inside the hospital.

Moments later an elevator arrived at the top of the skyscraper and out walked Smoker with Mini-Brat safely in his arms. After making sure their were no more infected near-by, he walked over to the familiar radio which even though it was Christmas eve, was still calling out to survivors.

"Mercy Hospital, is their anybody there?" a voice asked and Smoker sighed as he picked up the mic, "Yes this is Mercy Hospital, requesting immediate extraction for one survivor." The line was silent for a moment, "You made it! Roger that, a helicoptor is on the way, ETA about 10 minutes" he exclaimed happily before the line went dead.

Smoker calmly walked to the skyscraper's helipad, and set the child onto it's feet, before kneeling down to eye-level with her, "Welp kid, I guess this is where our story ends" he chuckled before awkwardly rubbing the back of his head, "Uh...kid, I know your not old enough to understand this, but well...i've always been alone on Christmas and I guess it was kind of...nice that I had someone special to spend some time with this year."

As the kid stared at him silently, he went on, "Even though the ending was a little rough hehe. Well anyways kid, you were all right, even if you were a pain in the ass, and didn't know our names, or-" "Smoker" the baby cooed and Smoker's eyes widened as he felt her wrap her little arms around his deformed neck in an awkward attempt at a hug.

As she let go and smiled at him, Smoker stayed silent until he heard helicoptor blades in the distance and quickly ran from the helipad, leaving little Mini-Brat alone as she stared at the approaching chopper.

Inside the helicoptor, a burley pilot's eyes widened as he noticed the little girl standing by herself, and after setting the helicoptor down, he got out and picked her up, "Well hello little fella, what are you doing out here all alone?" he asked and began to tickle her under chin, much to the child's amusement.

After checking his surroundings for any sign of the person who radioed him, the pilot quickly recedded back into his helicoptor before he attracted any infected.

However as his chopper began to lift off, he gasped at the sight of a smoker staring at him, motionless. Looking in closer, the pilot could swear he saw a single tear role down the infected's cheek, but chose to ignore it as he manuvered the aircraft away from the building and out of sight.

Twenty minutes later, Smoker sat silently at the edge of the skyscraper, looking somberly across the city as the snow gently matted the surrounding area, before the elevator doors opened and the remaining special infected arrived.

"Jeez that was crazy. That bitch Zoey is really strong when shes pissed" Hunter chuckled as he limped further onto the rooftop, and Witch crossed her arms, "Thats probably because you were groping her boobs, don't think I didn't notice. We're gonna have to have a talk about that later."

Boomer shrugged his shoulders, "Well in any case they got away, so lets just chalk it up as a loss, and get them next time." Suddenly everyone fell dead silent as they noticed Smoker sitting quietly on the building's edge.

Witch looked at Hunter and nudged him forward, and the hooded member awkwardly sat down next to his buddy, "So...I take it from the absence of Mini-Brat, that a helicoptor picked her up?"

Smoker slowly nodded, never taking his eyes off of the city, "Why do I always have to spend Christmas alone Hunter?" Smoker asked seriously, and Hunter raised an eyebrow at him, "What are you talking about, you aren't spending Christmas alone, you got us!"

Smoker's eyes widened as he felt Tank pick him up and then everyone crush him with a massive embrace, "Come on everybody, biiiig hug!" Hunter laughed as Smoker's face began to turn blue, "Gah alright alright I get it!" he shouted as they let him go.

Staring at each one of his friends, including Witch, he couldn't help but smile, before a digital watch on Hunter's wrist started to beep, "Oh would you look at that, its 12 AM, Merry Christmas everyone."

"Merry Christmas!" Everyone shouted to each other and Smoker chuckled slightly, "Merry Christmas guys-" he began before turning and staring off into the snowy distance, "Merry Christmas kid."

And as the five special infected retreated back into the massive skyscraper, they failed to notice a lone star shining bright above the city, the same star that three wise men used over two thousand years ago.

_Author's Notes: Well there you have it. I'm sure some of you are pissed that it didn't rhyme like my last holiday chapter, but I wanted to try more of a heart-warming holiday experience in addition to the comedy...ok I promise i'll do it next year, just please don't bitch to me about it in a review, thats the only Christmas present I ask of you haha._

_Please leave a review and tell me if I did this ok, thanks. Also I'm not gonna do any more prologues for awhile, but as a special Christmas treat, I can say that the next few chapters are gonna have our favorite bad guys going...down south, after the holidays ;)_


	10. Its All Down South From Here

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 10

The scene sets in the seemingly desolate town of Riverside, on the outskirts of the city of Fairfield. The town was now known for few things, except for it being the location of the special infected's cozy church.

However if one was to venture closer to the town's docks, they would here violent screams accompanied by rapid gunfire by various weapons.

"Come get some motherfuckers!" Francis screamed as he blasted away advancing infected with his combat shotgun, every once in awhile being forced to take a step back on the rickety pier.

"Where the hells that boat?" Louis screamed as he looked over at Bill, "They said they would be here in ten minutes, its only been about five, give them some time damnit!" he barked back.

Sweat dripped down Zoey's brow as she continued to bat away the mindless creatures, however it wasn't the waves of commoners that had her on edge. She and the group had yet to see a special infected during their journey through Riverside.

What the group didn't see was that behind a building across from the boathouse, the special infected were crowded around in a circle, as Smoker drew a crude map of the boathouse in the dirt.

"Ok team, the common infected have the survivors blocked on a pier approximately 5 to 10 yards long and only about 2 yards wide. Their rescue has an ETA of 5 minutes so we have to act fast."

The rest of the special infected nodded simultaniously as Smoker began to draw a plan with a stick, "Hunter you dive up onto the boathouse's rooftop and await for Boomer's bile, that will be your signal."

Hunter nodded and the weezing member then looked over to his obese friend, "Alright Boomer, your gonna have to blend in with the common infected and avoid being shot, once your close enough you should be able to dose all four of them since their so enclosed."

Boomer timidly nodded, the obvious danger of the situation creeping up on him. Then Smoker pointed at himself, "When their blinded by the bile, i'll use my tongue from inside the boathouse and swipe away their weapons. With them blinded and weaponless, Hunter will pounce on the war veteran since he seems to be the foundation of their group."

"When thats done, Tank and Witch with their superior agility and strength should be more then a match for the remaining three." With that being said, they all backed away from the dirt map and smirked, "And that my friends is how you stop survivors" Smoker chuckled with a hint of superiority.

It took only a minute for Hunter to jump on the boathouse's roof, Smoker to take his postion on the boathouse's second floor, Tank and Witch to hide behind some nearby trees, and Boomer to push his way into a large group of common infected.

Boomer could barely breathe as the group of mindless drones sprinted towards the pier, the obese infected firmly secure in the middle, however the group didn't forsee the biker pulling out a liquor bottle with an oily rag inside.

"Theres to many, its molotov time!" Francis screamed as he threw it onto the wooden pier in front of them, which quickly spread into a brilliant blaze.

Boomer's eyes widened as he looked at the inferno in front of him, however he found that he couldn't stop himself because of the group's momentum, in addition to the fact that the common infected didn't seem to sense any danger.

"Oh crap, stop guys, please stop!" Boomer cried out before the group ran full force into the blaze, Boomer's shrieks echoing for his shocked friends to hear as he danced around in the flames.

Giving one last desperate push, the cinged infected fell off of the pier and into the water, giving a satisifed sigh as he floated face down in the forgiving liquid.

Smoker shook his head from the inside of the boathouse, "Son of a bitch, should have known tubby would let me down" he growled before he decided to use the flames as a deterent in substitution of Boomer's bile.

With quick movements the appendege sprang from the tall member's mouth and sailed through the flames, however the rising smoke cut off Smoker's vision and he randomly grasped ahold of something metal and yank it away from one of the survivors.

Back on the docks Louis grasped around on his belt buckle, "What the hell happend to my pipe bomb?" he questioned, but it was answered four seconds later as an explosion shook the boathouse on it's foundation.

As Smoker's pipebomb incident rocked the boathouse, Hunter vibrated violently back and forth on the boathouse roof before the foundation gave way and he fell through the shingles and next to his unconsious friend.

Behind some nearby trees, Witch stared at her friend's failure with shock, before a foghorn echoed throughout the harbor as a dirty old fishing boat appeared in the distance, enclosing in fast.

"Damnit, we gotta act fast, lets go Tank!" She yelled over to the giant creature and in one last desperate act the duo charged through the common hordes, Witch slicing and Tank pounding any unfortunate creature that got in their way.

With extreme force they dashed through the flames, and didn't stop even when the fire spread to their bodies.

The group of survivors stared in shock as the flaming infected dashed towards them, and they wasted no time hoping onto the waiting boat as it pulled up to the dock.

As the vessel quickly pulled away, Tank grasped Witch's wrist and tossed her flaming form through the air, making her appear as a fireball as she landed on the stern of the ship.

"Damn this bitch is persistant" Zoey growled as she spotted the nearby sail. With a smirk she grasped a dangling rope at her side and gave it a pull.

Witch raised an eyebrow, but as she turned to her left she recieved a painful shot from the sail full force before toppling overboard and into the murky water.

Tank sighed as he looked at the retreating boat before calmly walking into the water, steam rising into the air as the fire disappeared from his body.

Within five mintues he stepped back out with Boomer and Witch's bodies over his massive shoulders, before heading over to the cinged boathouse to collect the rest of his friends.

* * *

It was exactly one week since the survivors escaped from the city, and as the special infected quickly nursed themselves back to health they only had one common thought, they were bored as shit!

They had always known that stopping the survivors was a big part of their post-infected existence, but instead of attempting to find other survivors that were sure to riddle the large landscape, they decided that the four that got away were the only ones worth chasing.

"God, i'm soooo bored!" Hunter whined as he lounged on one of the many rows of chairs that riddled the church. Boomer nodded absently next to him as Witch sat in the corner filing her claws to the light of the church's many lit candles.

Then the group's eyes widened as Smoker appeared with several gasoline canisters in his hands, as he half-heartidly began to pour them all over the church.

"Uh...Smoker what are you doing?" Hunter asked nervously while his friend whistled a happy tune as he made sure to put an extra thick pocket of gasoline next to the glaring Witch, "Well the survivors are gone, weren't we all unanimous when we said we would commit a mass suicide?"

"What?" Witch screamed as she looked over at her boyfriend who chuckled nervously, "I was kinda joking dude." Smoker slammed the final gas tank down, "Well what the hell are we gonna do in this hell hole all day, take a vacation?" the weezing member demanded as Witch's face lit up.

"Thats a great idea!" she cheered as she quickly stood up and grasped Hunter's claws, "How about it? Why not leave this city behind for awhile, and go somewhere exotic! I always wanted to see Paris!" the girl squealed.

Then not even waiting for an answer, the girl ran over to a corner of a church, and began to pack her limited belongings into a small suitcase.

The four remaining infected looked at her like she was nuts before Boomer shrugged his shoulders, "It beats ritualistic suicide" he muttered as they all began to prepare for their trip.

Several hours later the five special infected walked through the front doors of Metro International Airport, each member with a suitcase or duffelbag over their shoulder.

"Alright bitch, you led us to a decaying airport, is this where we are gonna spend our 'vacation'?" Smoker asked sarcastically as Witch scowled at him, "No asshole, we just need to find a working plane and fly somewhere nice."

Smoker growled, "Well I hope you have a pilot's license because I sure as hell don't!" the tallest member argued but Witch seemed unconvinced, "Eh, how hard could it be?" she chuckled as they made their way to the terminals.

As they passed by a gift shop, the group packed their bags full of snacks and reading material before opening one of the terminal doors, only to be met with the outside runway, "Greeeat, all I see are C-130s, and I don't think any of us can get one of these friggin things off the ground."

Witch blushed a little as she looked around for a solution, "M-maybe we can find someone to pilot it for us" she said hopefully as Smoker slammed his bag down next to a radio blasting static.

"Oh sure bitch, we're just gonna happen to find somebody whose gonna be waiting here, and is willing to give us a ride. Get real!" the tall member screamed before the static subsided to the voice of a cheeky old man, "Why hello there! You folks gonna be needing a lift? All you gotta do is gas me up!" the pilot yelled enthusiastically.

Smoker looked at the radio in shock and then to Witch's smirking face, "...lucky bitch."

Luckily for the group the pilot of the C-130 couldn't see them well through the cockpit window, and never met a special infected. So it was easy after the quick gas up to enter the cargo hold in the back, and before they knew it, the special infected were on vacation.

Two hours after takeoff Smoker began to shift uneasy in the cargo bay as he listened for any signs of landing, "Where the hell is he taking us?" he worridly asked.

Witch put down her magazine and sighed at him, "Relax Choker, Paris is a long ways away." Smoker frowned at the nickname, and he still wasn't convinced, "How the hell do you know hes flying to Paris? He didn't tell us where, he just said it was safe!"

Boomer finished eating a bag of doritos and smiled, "Maybe we're going to Italy, I love Italian food!" Everyone but Smoker nodded, since he decided to be the voice of reason for the trip.

"Well even if we are going there, we aren't gonna last long if we land in a military base! They'll either pump us full of lead, or use us as test subjects" he complained and Hunter looked away from his gameboy and at his angsting friend, "Don't worry about it. We packed disguises remember? They should be more then enough to get us past any checkpoints."

A sudden change in altitude alerted the group of a landing and they quickly scrambled to their suitcases to don their disguises.

Ten minutes later the special infected stood at the cargo bay hatch as they waited for the plane to come to a complete stop. Soon they all tensed as the back doors slowly lowered to reveal the somber face of the aging pilot.

"Bad news partners, it-" he stopped short as he stared at the group. Hunter wore his trademark hoodie, but added a pair of large mittens to cover his claws. Smoker wore a hoodie similiar to Hunter in order to cover up his abrasions. Witch wore a simple white dress, but added a pair of sunglasses to cover up her red orbs, and like Hunter had mittens over her large claws.

Tank wore a muscle shirt and scarf to cover up his missing jaw, and finally Boomer wore an XL trenchcoat to cover up his boils. The pilot was taken back momentarily at the groups attire, before continuing, "-it seems that our destination has been comprimised by the infection" he said sadly as he allowed the group to disembark from the C-130.

All of the group's jaws dropped (besides Tank of course) at the sight of the burning rubble of yet another airport similiar to theirs, "Where the hell are we, Afghanastan?" Hunter asked seriously.

Smoker's blood began to boil as he spotted the various signs that stated, 'Welcome to Savannah, Georgia', "The deep south, are you kidding me?" he shouted as he looked over at Witch.

"Oh this is a perfect getaway location you bitch. Maybe we should try Antartica next!" he shouted at the crestfallen girl, her dreams of Paris crushed.

The pilot rubbed the back of his head, "Well no matter guys, since this place has been overrun, we can just refuel and be on our-" he was cut off as he began to vomit violently all over the concrete runway.

Then in one swift option he emptied his stomach contents and landed face down on the ground with a 'plop'.

The group stared at the pilot silently, before Hunter turned to Smoker, "...I think he was a carrier" he stated before Smoker sighed, "No shit, well this is great. We're stuck in the asshole of America with no way back to the city, any plans bitch?" he asked Witch as they all pulled off their disguises.

Witch grabbed her duffelbag and headed for a nearby exit gate, "Well I don't know about you, but a vacation is a vacation and I'm gonna make the best of it" she humphed before the others quickly followed.

As the airport became more distant behind them, they soon found themselves in the swamplands of Georgia, with various boarded up houses littering the muddy landscape.

"Aww man what a dump" Hunter muttered boredly as Witch began to shiver slightly, "This place is creepy" she studdered while looking at all the mindless infected clad in overalls and daizy dukes.

Boomer looked up at the roof of a decrepit house and for a split second could have sworn he spotted a pair of beady little eyes glaring at him, "...And I keep getting the feeling that we're being watched."

Boomer was more right then he knew, because currently standing on the second floor balcony of a mansion located in a nearby plantation, three pairs of unaturally colored eyes shrouded in shadows, stared at the special infected's trek through their territory.

"Well well, looks like we got us another group of city-slickers comin in to our neck of the woods, don't it?" the largest form stated, and through the shadows it was obvious that it's right arm was abnormally large while his left was suffering from severe muscle atrophy.

The second form grinned as acid dripped from it's large mouth attached to an even longer neck, "Well if we gonna do somethin about them, I wanna keep that tall handsome fella with the long tongue, hes mighty purdy." she then chuckled much like Goofy would in a typical Mickey Mouse cartoon.

The third member, who couldn't be taller then a third grader, hopped up onto the shoulder of the largest member and smirked at the unaware group, "These city folk keep arriving in their fancy aerocrafts, and think they can waltz all over our land. I think its time we show them some...'southern hospitality'" he stated darkly as they all grinned.

"So where are we going?" Hunter asked everyone as they made their way down a dirt road on the outskirts of a nearby plantation. Witch looked at a map she swipped at the airport, "Well we can go see whats left of the Telfair Academy of Arts and Sciences if anybody is intrested."

The male infected all looked at each other momentarily, "Nah" they said simultaniously before the paused as an inhumane howl pierced through the air.

Within a fraction of a second something fast plowed into Tank and picked him off his feet as they both slammed into a nearby wall. As they were caught off guard, something small landed on Hunter's shoulders and smiled at him, "Hey there city-boy, hows about a lift?" Jockey chuckled madly as he began to pull Hunter away from the group.

"Get it off me!" he cried as Witch tried in vain to swipe the little monster off. Jockey suddenly felt a slimey tongue wrap around his torso before he was pulled off and held before Smoker, "Disgusting little rodent" he glared at it before something green landed at the group's feet.

Boomer, Witch, and Smoker danced widly as the acid spread around their feet, before Smoker felt stubby hands pull him against a pair of sagging breasts, "Why heeello their cutey pie!" yelled an obnoxious voice.

Smoker looked up from his place against the woman's boobs to come face to face with a giant grinning mouth, and of course Smoker screamed like a girl before passing out.

With Tank, Smoker, and Hunter incapacitated, Jockey wasted no time diving on top of Witch and knocking her out. As Boomer stood as the last member of his group, he stared transfixed at the beautiful creature before him.

Lovely locks of dirt-clad hair were elegently tied in loose pig-tails, and their beauty was matched only by the angel's face. Dark circles danced around a pair of beady bloodshot eyes, and a giant mouth housed several golden colored teeth as the godess grinned.

This perfect face was held up by a large neck and the creatures beautiful body held many sexy sags and bulges peaking out from her tattered clothing. And as Boomer stared at Spitter before him, he felt love for the first time.

But his lovestruck awe was cut short as Jockey dove onto his head, "Lights out big boy" he cooed before he felt a painful jab and his world went black.

_Author's Notes: And there you have it. Not sure if this is what many people thought I had in mind for the group's first meeting with the newer special infected, but there you go. Leave a review and tell me how it is so far._

_Also I hope nobody from the South took offense to my depiction of Georgia, I was just going for the most stereotypical view of it's swamplands to gain dramatic effect._


	11. A Little Southern Hospitality

_Author's Notes: Sorry for the lack of updates recently, my intrest just diminishs once in a while from completing my stories, however i've been impressed by people's continued intrest with my work which in turn peeked my intrest once again. Enjoy._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 11

Swollen bare feet paced down a sandy beach, glowing a radiant orange in the setting sun, as an obese man clad in a white dress shirt and pants confidently strolled over the damp shells underneath him.

Boomer's face kept a calm composure, his long golden locks of hair that hung down to his shoulders, gently flapping in the salty breeze, as he came to a stop at the sight of a fastly approaching white stallion.

The white steed came to a hault with a restless neigh, and Boomer could make out his beloved sitting atop the stallion, clad in the most elegant of blood stained bikinis, entrancing droplets of emerald colored drool dripping sexily down her mouth as Spitter grinned down at him.

"Hello my sweet, shall we take a relaxing stroll through the waves, or would you rather we cut the formalities and make love in the sand?" Boomer asked in a deep sexy voice that was nothing like his normal tone. Spitter gently parted her chapped lips and took in a breath of air to speak, "Wake up city-boy" came a nasty, masculine tone, causing Boomer to raise an eyebrow, "What?" he asked before he felt a sharp pain on his cheek.

In a daze the chubby infected regained consiouness, only to realize him and his friends were currently imobolized, tied with something incredibly long, durable, and...slimey, "Eeew, couldn't you just use rope?" Hunter whined as he struggled against Smoker's tongue, which the southern infected used to tie up the group.

Boomer took in his surroundings as his visible eye focused on the the dank interior of a rotting mansion, it's spacious interior seeping with dust glistening from the faint sunshine outside.

He then noticed Jockey, Charger, and his beloved Spitter smirking down at them, their dark beady red eyes forcasting nothing but woe and misery for their captives.

Jockey, who was currently perched up on Charger's massive shoulder, hopped off and began to slowly pace around his prey, "Well lookie what we done snagged in our neck of the woods, a bunch of Yankies" he chuckled evilly.

Hunter attempted to struggle against his bonds, "Yankies? I haven't played baseball since I was in middle school!" He oomphed as Witch nudged her shoulder against his, "For Christ's sakes Hunter, just be quiet!" she pleaded, and Witch suddenly felt a heavy weight on her back.

Turning her head, she gasped at Jockey's grin, "Weeeell, don't we got ourselves a pretty little missy right here! Evening darling, names Jockey, but you could just call me Ke-" Jockey was cut off as Hunter shifted his weight into the little creature, who fell to the ground with a thud, "Hands off the woman pal!" he yelled, and as Jockey got up to attack the snarling Hunter, he found himself held back by Charger.

"No, we made an agreement that they would be put through the test." Witch raised an eyebrow, "Test, what kinda test?" Spitter shifted her hip out to the side in an attempt to look sexy for Smoker, "A test to prove your worth darlins, we gotta see how good ya are wit dealin with survivors."

"ssseeasadgsgdgsdg" Smoker attempted to say, even though his tongue was currently forced out of his mouth, and being used as binding. "Uh...whad he say?" Spitter asked confused.

Hunter decided to clarify, "He said that if there were actually survivors here, their obviously suffering enough in this Southern shithole that messing with them would be too inhumane, even for inhuman monsters like us."

Jockey's blood boiled at the insult, and seconds later he was on top of the restrained Smoker, delivering numerous punches to his head, as Smoker cried out in pain.

Witch leaned closer to Hunter's ear, "Man, Smokers got a lot of guts to say that at a time like this" Hunter smirked, "He didn't, he said he needed to use the bathroom." He then turned to his friend Boomer, who held a dreamy look in his eyes, "You've been quiet this whole time buddy, whats up?"

Hunter's eyebrow raised slightly as Boomer failed to respond, his eyes set in front of him in an awkward glazed-over grin. Following his friend's line of sight, he laid his eyes upon the Southen group's only female member, and his eyes began to widen, "Oh my God."

Witch took this time to struggle against her bonds enough to look over at Tank, "Tank, get us out of here!" she commanded, and the giant member used all of his strength to stand up, all of his friend's feet dangling in the air as he stumbled around to balance himself and his comrades, accidently knocking over Spitter and Charger in the process. Jockey clutched onto Smoker's head for dear life, "What the hell ya'll doing?" he cried.

Hunter was able to free one of his arms and quickly pointed towards a nearby broken door, "That way, go!" he screamed and Tank roared before he began to stampede towards freedom.

Spitter scowled as she sat on her butt, and looked over to her companion, "Charger, go get'em." Charger nodded and stood up, releasing a howl as he picked up speed.

Jockey shook violently as he clutched the weezing member's cranium, looking at the closley approaching double doors, "Stop ya freakin morons! Thats the door to the outdoor balcony!" But his cry fell on deaf ears, mostly do to the fact that Charger plowed into them from behind.

The group not only smashed easily through the wooden doors, but straight through the balcony's railing and cascaded two stories onto the hard dirt of the mansion's courtyard.

Smoker's tongue loosened upon impact, contracting back into his mouth as the group laid sprawled out on the ground. Charger choked up grass and gravel as he attempted to rise, only to have a giant hand latch onto his entire head, lifting him painfully into the air.

Charger gasped as his friend dangled helplessly in Tank's grip, but when he attempted to intervene, a hooded form tackled him painfully into the ground, along with the group's only female member, Witch.

Spitter arrived at the edge of the balcony and looked down just in time to see her friend's perilous position at the hands of the northern infected. "Please don't hurt them!" Her pleads seem to fall on deaf ears, and as she contemplated what to barter, she gave a sly smirk down at Smoker, "If ya'll let'em go, i'll letcha take me as a sex slave" she finished with a wink to the confused Smoker.

"I'm game" Boomer quickly shouted, But as Witch finshed subdueing Charger with a mean punch to the jaw, she glared up at her friend, "Eww no thats disgusting! I say we just kill them all." Hunter made himself comfy on Charger's unconsious stomach while he pondered what they should do.

Then he looked over to the feebly struggling Jockey, "You said there were other survivors here...could you maybe take us to them?" Witch glared at her boyfriend, "Hunter, what are you doing?"

"I'm just saying, we left the north because we couldn't find anymore survivors to hunt...but maybe since the vacations a bust, we could at least do what kept us occupied beforehand." Witch pouted, but didn't attempt a rebuttal.

"Yes yes we can take ya to em, just tell Sasquatch here ta put me down!" Jockey cried out, and Hunter nodded to his giant friend who reluctantly put the little creature down.

An hour later inside a large dirty bar, several mindless infected paced aimlessly around the dusty wooden interior, stumbling over barstools and empty bottles strewn around the ground.

Suddenly rapid machine gun fire riddled the creatures full of incenderary ammo, and as they limped around within an inferno of agony, they each gave one last groan before plopping down dead.

As the smoke cleared from their bodies, a man in a white suit stepped over a corpse and took a drag of his cigarette, "Ah, nothing like charred zombie flesh to make you thirsty for an ice cold beer" Nick grinned, laying his uzi on the bar counter and taking a vacant stool.

A large black man sat down next to him, propping his 12 gauge up against the bar and picking up a menu, "Hmn, says here they have cheeseburgers. I wonder if they still have the patties in the back." An overly-happy young man quickly propped himself down next to Coach's stool, forgetting about his two handguns strapped carelessly to his thighs, "Count me in on one of those cheeseburgers Coach! Reminds me about this one time me and Keith experimented with each other at summer camp, and-" "Damnit Ellis, can't we just relax for a bit, without hearing a story about your douchebag friend Keith?"

Coach glanced behind him to the group's final member, who defiantly refused to take a seat as she continuously looked at the bar's door, "How can you guys just relax like this? We're not in a safehouse you know, this is a bar out in the middle of Savannah, with plenty of doors and windows."

Nick breathed in a puff of smoke, blowing it out calmly, "Relax sweetheart, theres no safehouse for miles, and plus, their not usually stored with liquor." Reaching behind the counter he swipped a bottle of beer and casually popped off the cap.

As he took a few greedy swigs, Coach rose from his stool, picking up his shotgun and walking over to Rochelle, "If it makes you feel better Rochelle, i'll help you clear out the area of the infected so you feel safe." Rochelle smiled at Coach, gave him a nod, and the two left out the front door.

Unbeknownest to them, 8 creatures stared at the two remaining members from their place on the second story balcony, "Man this is gonna be too easy, with the other two gone, we can kill them in no time."

Jockey seemed shocked, "Kill em'? Oooh no, we ain't killin no one, them two are too much fun for that!" The northern infected were confused, "What? You guys don't kill them?"

Spitter chuckled, "Hell no, we never kill em', we just like ta fuck wit them, you know, ta entertain us." Hunter felt slightly intrigued, "...Care to demonstrate?" Jockey was hoping for them to ask that, "Gladly."

Down at the bar, Nick continued to nurse his beer while Ellis struggled to open a plastic package, "Damn peanuts" he muttered as he attempted to pry open his snack.

Suddenly he fell off his stool as a hunch-backed creature landed on Nick's back, "What the fuck?" Nick screamed as Jockey cackled sadisticly, manuvering him throughout the bar, colliding him into walls, tables, and windows.

"Ellis! Get this fucking thing off me!" Ellis quickly stood up from the ground and pulled out his handguns, "Don't worry Nick o'l buddy, I got em'!" he declared as he took aim towards Nick's Head.

Nick quickly threw up his hands, "No you idiot! Your gonna hit me, just grab something and hit him with it!" Ellis looked around quickly before grabbing a frying pan placed behind the counter.

Jockey smirked as Ellis raised the pan over his head, and as he brought it down, Jockey moved Nick's head to the side, allowing the pan to connect violently with the survivor's cranium.

"Ouch, what the hell Ellis?" Nick cried out, "D-don't worry buddy, I got it!" Ellis began to swing the frying pan radiclly, missing the creature every time, and connecting with Nick.

About a minute later, Jockey heard footsteps approaching the front door, quickly jumped off of Nick's shoulders and disappeared through a window.

Nick stumbled in a painful daze, as Ellis rubbed the back of his head while looking at the window Jockey escaped through, "Aww shucks, I almost had em'." Nick growled and tore the pan from the boy's hands, "Yeah you almost had him alright, you son of a bitch!" he screamed as he began to wack Ellis painfully on the shoulders and head.

"Man, that was awesome" Hunter whispered from the balcony, and Spitter merely smirked, "Ya ain't seen the good part yet." Suddenly the front door to the bar opened and Coach and Rochelle walked in, both gasping at the sight of Nick beating Ellis with a frying pan.

Rochelle stomped over to the con-man and yanked the pan out of his hands. Nick gasped as Rochelle quickly raised it over her head, "W-wait Rochelle, you don't know what ha-" _BANG_ "-ppend" he finished as he landed to the floor unconcious, the frying pan impeded onto his head.

Coach and Ellis stared awkwardly at their friend's body as Rochelle took a seat at the bar, and began to finish Nick's beer, "Area is secured." And although Rochelle said that, they could hear faint laughter from the floor above.

Up on the second floor, the special infected tried to muffle their laughs as Jockey walked back onto the balcony, "So how was that?" Witch wiped a tear from her eye, "That was great" she admitted as she fell back into uncontrolable laughter.

"Good, then maybe you can help us with our newest victims" Jockey grinned, and the northern infected's laughs diminished into confusion, "Newest victims?" Smoker questioned.

Twenty minutes later, the southern infected brought their northern counterparts to a barred red door in the middle of a southern suburb, "Thats a safehouse door" Boomer muttered as the group watched from a nearby rooftop.

"Yup, and you may wanna take a gander at the occupants, their from the north too" Spitter chuckled as the latch from the safehouse door was removed, revealing four tired souls, on a seemingly endless quest to freedom.

"Holy shit" Hunter muttered as the group laid eyes on Zoey, Luis, Francis, and Bill.

_Author's Notes: Please read and review, and feel free to give me an idea about how the special infected can prank the northern survivors._


	12. Insert Southern Pun Here

_Author's Notes: Heeello everyone, sorry for the long absence over the past 6 months but I'm happy to say that at least for the time being their will be a steady influx of chapters over the next couple months. So please read, enjoy, and hopefully leave a review if you would be so gracious, and I have a special annoucement about my next chapter at the end. Enjoy._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 11

Inside a large shopping mall inside of Savannah, Georgia all hell was breaking loose as Nick, Ellis, Coach, and Rochelle frantically attempted to refuel a large blue stockcar on the showroom floor.

Coach and Rochelle held their ground as they pelted incoming infected with their various weapons while Ellis poured in the final gas tank, "Got it!" Ellis cried out to Nick who nodded and quickly threw open the driver door, only to be speared to the ground by a zombie sporting a blue and white jumpsuit, "Ah shit!" Nick yelled as the zombie attempted to tear out his juggular.

"Oh my stars...thats Jimmy Gibbs Jr.! He's a stock-car legend!" Ellis shouted enthusiastically as Nick attempted to push the large man off of him, "Ellis what the hell are you doing?"

"Just a sec" Ellis muttered as he fumbled through his pants pocket and pulled out a cellphone, flipping on the camera function he aimed it towards the bewildered Nick, "Smile you two."

Nick growled, "Ellis I am going to fucking kill yo-" he began but was cut off by a bright flash. Seconds later Ellis pouted as he viewed the photo, "Ah shoot Jimmy had his eyes closed, mind if I take another?" he questioned before Jimmy's head exploded, raining blood and brain matter over Nick's bewildered face.

The two men looked over to see Rochelle frowning, smoking barrel of a shotgun in his hands, "No, we're leaving" she sternly declared and quickly hopped in the back seat of the car along with Coach.

"Aww hell yeah!" Ellis shouted as he hopped through the window and into the driver's seat of his idol's automobile. Nick stumbled over to the passenger's side of the car and fumbled for the handle with Jimmy's blood still clouding his vision.

Unfortunately Ellis in his fanboy state failed to realize Nick's absence inside the car and gunned it, blasting off of the pedestal the car had been placed on, dragging poor Nick alongside who clutched the door handle for dear life.

"Ellis you stupid bastard!" he cried out as Ellis floored it and crashed the car through the mall's glass windows, speeding away towards the outskirts of Savannah.

Four pairs of dirt-cladded feet shuffled mindlessly through a back alley in the most run down section of Savannah, Georgia, as each owner of said feet moaned weakly in pitiful agony.

Ironically these four lost souls weren't part of the surrounding zombie horde that shambled just as slowly around them, but were in fact Bill, Zoey, Francis, and Luis, part of the very few northern survivors that were still looking for safety.

"Fooood" Bill groaned as he dragged his assault rifle carelessly through the dirt, not even realizing that his cigarette had ceased to be lit since they left the safety of the safehouse over a half hour ago.

Sleeeep" Francis moaned groggily behind him, carrying an unloaded shotgun on his hip which in his lackluster state forgot to stock full of shells during their ammo run.

"Entertaaaaainment" Zoey whined like a spoiled child, still pouting because of the fact that she had forgotten her Nintendo DS and copy of Pokemon two safehouses back.

"Piiiills" Luis cried pathetically as the other members of his group attempted to ignore his pains of withdraw due to his abusing of the group's pain medication.

Everytime a loner zombie caught wind of their presence they would sprint wildly towards the group, only to be cut down by a half-hearted pistol shot by Bill who didn't even bother making eye contact as he boredly blew them away.

Their tattered states may have been the reason why they failed to hear the distinct sounds of special infected that hid in the shadows of a nearby alleyway, awaiting their chance to prove their prankster skills to their southern counterparts.

"Hunter this is stupid" the female voice of the group muttered in the darkness, her glowing red eyes showing disdain even in the limited light.

"I agree with Ms. Witch, this doesn't really seem like the most...thought out plan that we could come up with." Boomer groaned, his voice strained as if he was carrying something heavy.

"Plus isn't Smoker usually the tactician of the group?" Witch asked awkwardly, not really used to complimenting the weezing member due to their hostile relationship.

Smoker coughed up some smoke and sighed, "I hate to say it, but I've known Squiggy here since our community college days and he definately has me beat when it comes to practical jokes, even if this one seems a little bit...complicated."

"Thank you Smoker" Hunter's voice echoed proudly through the darkness, not even noticing that Smoker had used his embarassing human name.

Back out in the alleyway the four survivors had just turned a corner and their eyes all simultaniously brightened at the sight of various objects sprawled out on a giant red X on the ground.

"Food!" Bill cried as he rushed over to a plate filled with steaming hot cookies, and began to shove four at a time into his mouth as Francis dove into a sleeping bag next to him, "Sleep!" he cried out and instantly slipped into a self-induced coma.

"Entertainment!" Zoey squealed as she swipped a PSP off the X and began to immediately play what sounded like a very violent game, and finally "Pills!" Luis chuckled frantically as he popped the top off a bottle of extra strength painkillers and began to down the whole bottle.

"Now!" screamed Hunter as he commenced his master prank.

**5 Minutes Later**

Bill, Francis, Zoey, and Luis laughed uncontrolably as they sprinted almost care-free towards a nearby safehouse door, not even shocked or horrified that the northern infected had followed them here, and even as the red door slammed, the humiliated special infected nearby could still hear their muffeled mocking laughter.

Back at ground zero Hunter groaned as he slowly dragged his body over towards Boomer who was currently propped up against the alley's dirty wall, every several seconds his pudgy body would involuntary twitch due to some leftover electricity coursing through his nerves, a painful reminder of their botched prank moments before.

"Well that could have gone better" Hunter muttered to his friend who gave a weak sarcastic chuckle, before their eyes widened as Smoker darted by screaming, his whole body engulfed in flames as he danced aimlessly around the alley, Hunter sighed "Guess I better go put him out...you see my legs?"

Boomer looked down at his friend and noticed for the first time that the hooded monster was missing both of his appendages, replaced by bloody stumps. Looking over to a nearby revving chainsaw he spotted both of the bloody legs and pointed. "Thanks" Hunter muttered almost casually as he began to crawl towards them.

Smoker shrieked as the fire continued to cinge his face, "Oh dear God the agony!" he cried before a bucket of water was thrown onto him, curtosey of Jockey who sat disappointed on Charger's massive shoulder, "The hell kinda prank was that boys?" he sighed as he surveyed the damage done by the Yankees.

Two bloody legs sat discarded next to a chainsaw as their owner feebly crawled towards them, their obese member jolted violently due to the aftermath of a taser shot, the group's female member crossed her arms and pouted as she dangled upside down from a rope, and poor Tank lay face down with the remnents of cinderblock powder on the back of his bruised head.

"I don't think ya'll grasp the idea of a practical joke" Jockey muttered to Hunter as the hooded monster continued to leave a bloody trail while crawling across the alley, "Their not usually supposed to involve chainsaws, tripwires, fire bombs, cinderblocks, or tasers."

"For Hunter they do-" Smoker groaned as he surveyed the damage done to his body with burnt shaking hands, "-but somehow the dumbass always has it backfire on him." Hunter humphed in offense, "Well maybe if you just wore that uniform like we had planned-" "Why the hell would somebody be delivering a pizza in the middle of a zombie apocalypse?" Smoker shot back.

As the two began to argue back and forth Smoker suddenly screamed bloody murder as two dirty arms pulled him into a crushing hug from behind, his 3rd degree burns aching as Spitter rested her decrepit head on his shoulder, "I'm just so glad ya ain't badly hurt darlin!" she cooed into his deformed ear.

"Uh-oh" Hunter murmered and looked over towards his obese friend whose face currently held a jealous sneer. Hunter tensed up as Boomer opened his mouth to pick a fight, and was grateful for Witch who cut him off, "Hey! Will somebody please cut me down?"

Several minutes later within the safehouse that housed the northern survivors, all four members of the group attempted and failed at stiffiling their laughter after the humorous display of the special infected, "I can't...I can't believe that just happend!" Francis chuckled, clutching his sides. Zoey laughed next to him, "Expecially the part where the smoker lit the wrong side of the fire bomb and screams 'oh shit' as it explodes in his face, haha!"

Bill laughed so hard he began to choke, "What about the part where the witch got caught up in her own tripwire, and it scares the shit out of that hunter so bad he shoots the boomer in the nuts with the stun gun!" the old war vet shouted before erupting in a coughing fit of laughter.

Francis patted his back and cried out, "And then the boomer spazzes out and flings the chainsaw across the alley and severs off his own friend's legs haha! And lets not forget about the tank throwing those cinderblocks up in the air and conking himself in the head, priceless!"

Luis who had been silent since then began to chuckle much like Jockey would while riding a victim, "Yeah and then that cowboy version of Hitler ass-raped that penguin on the rainbow leading to Mars!" he cackled in a daze, eyes bloodshot as Francis picked up a perscription bottle near his feet, "Dude how many of these things did you take?" he asked seriously as the mood was officially ruined.

Not taking any chances of the special infected composing themselves the four quickly stocked up on medical supplies and ammunition before throwing off the iron bar of the safehouse door and taking off into the town.

However as the four attempted to cross the cluttered remains of the highway they froze to the sounds of a V8 engine and immediatley turned left in time to see bright headlights quickly approaching. Like deers literally caught in the headlights they froze as screams erupted from their throats.

Inside the car Ellis, Coach, and Rochelle screamed as well and Ellis quickly jammed on the breaks, dislodging Nick from the side of the car who skidded across the highway and clipped Bill. The veteran flew off of his feet and onto the pavement with a yell while Nick slowed to a stop on the asphalt nearby, groaning weakly.

The northern survivors panted heavily as the adrenaline began to die down, and the headlights turned off revealing a young man behind the driver's seat who casually stuck a hand out the window in a friendly wave, "Howdy."

_Author's Notes: Holy crap I honestly wanted to wrap up the Southern saga by the end of this chapter, but as I wrote on and expanded on the plot not only will their be another Southern chapter after this, but then one after that as well! _

_But no thats not the annoucement, the announcement is that I will be adding a special chapter in between within the next couple weeks or so, and can be considered a sequel to chapter 4 so I hope at least a few of you can look forward to that. See you soon, Agent47rulz out._


	13. Left4Christmas2

_Author's Notes: Welp its that special time of year again, and even though I rarely update I can just never find it in me not to post a yearly Christmas chapter. Jeez at this rate i'm gonna have more Christmas chapters then regular ones!_

_As you'll soon figure out, I reused some rhymes from my first Christmas chapter, but this was on purpose in order to bring a little bit of nostalgia into it. But I didn't reuse the "Ho-Ho-Holy Shit" line that everybody seemed to enjoy so much haha. Either way read, enjoy, and happy holidays to you all!_

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 13

Every special infected in the city liked Christmas a lot. But a smoker who lived just north of the city did not.

Witch knew Smoker hated Christmas, the whole Christmas season. Now don't ask me why, last year's chapter told you the reason.

It could be because he missed a certain toddler which made him refuse to deck the halls, or it could be perhaps because he lacked a scrotum and balls.

But I think that the most likely reason of all, was that he was just a flat out dick, with only bitterness to recall.

Witch pondered her 'friend' as she stood out in the snow and just like every Christmas eve they had nowhere to go.

Blubbering laughter stopped her remorse and she turned her head annoyed to locate the source.

Tank danced in the snow near her, his arms spread out wide and she was starting to wish the behemoth would just go inside.

Yet as she drew in some breath, to give him a shout, a ghost of a young woman appeared, sporting a serious pout.

"Sylvia Anderson" she cried with Witch aghast, "I am the one and only Ghost of Christmas Past!"

Tank screamed like a girl as he stampeded away, while Witch stared shocked, not one thing to say.

She stood hands firmly on her hips, and her face in a sneer, "With my help your friend Smoker will be jolly this year."

What a wonderul Christmas miracle for Smoker this year! This girl would take out all of his glum and replace it with cheer!

And so it would've been to save Smoker from dread, had a familiar red brick not clonked her sweet head.

The woman fell face first into the snow, Hunter casually walking up and giving his girlfriend a "Yo".

Witch came out of her stupor and shot Hunter a glare, "What the hell is your problem?" she roared like a bear.

"Babe I thought you were getting robbed-" Hunter muttered quite bored, "-And asking questions first was something I couldn't afford."

"But she was going to help Smoker change how he lived day by day!" "Yeah we tried that last year remember and it was totally gay!"

"However-" Hunter began with a smirk on his face, "-Maybe we can use her time powers to go check out someplace."

"Well how do you suppose we do that since your so friggin smart?" "Easy, they say a person's power comes deep from their heart!"

Witch was touched by her boyfriend's poeticness, before the hooded beast shoved a clawed hand through her chest.

With a tear and a yank he ripped out the ghost's heart, "Now all we gotta do is find a switch that says start."

"Sweety-" she sighed "-you are a total dipshit" before a flicking sound was heard followed by a cheerful "found it!"

The area around the two began to glow and vibrate, including the area around Tank who hid nearby in a crate.

Then in one quick moment the three disappeared, traveling to some unknown place and time to spread holiday cheer!

The poorer section of London in the year 1843 resembled the town in A Christmas Carol 'quite literally'.

And deep within the confines of a snow-covered alleyway, two pauper children were about to witness a wonderful display!

For as they placed a simple top-hat on a man made of snow, he began to happily dance giving the children a show.

"Hello dear children! My name is Frosty! And I wanna know if you want to play a game with me!"

The children nodded, eagerly excited to play, "What do you call this game?" one of them decided to say.

After hearing the question Frosty's cheerfulness fell, and with a dark grin he replied, "Touch and no tell."

As he approached the scared children and stretched out a hand, Tank fell from the sky and crushed the snowman.

The children's horror diminished and they each let out a sigh, before they too were crushed by monsters that fell from the sky.

Hunter groaned, feeling like he got hit by a truck, before he noticed what he landed on and cried out, "Oh fuck!"

Tank and Witch awoke beside him, their eyes frozen wide, and Hunter chuckled painfully, "Man what a ride."

Witch stood up off the child and looked frantically around, before smacking Hunter upside the head, "Where the hell are we you clown?"

Suddenly a sickly blue ghost appeared before them clad in chains very ornate, before giving each of them a scowl and shouting loudly, "Your late!"

"Its already Christmas morning you fools!" he yelled in their face, "Scrooge has been waiting all night for you, your all a disgrace!"

Before they could protest the ghost waved a hand, and they were instantly transported to the bedchamber of a scared old man.

They all stepped closer to the shivering man who was very old, "Are you the spirits that Jacob Marley fortold?"

The special infected exchanged glances, confused by what he asked, "Yes your the ghosts of Christmas future, present, and past!"

"A pale maiden, a giant, and a creature cloaked in a hood, you are the ones Marley said would soon turn me good."

"Actually sir I think your mistaken-" Witch started to admit, before her boyfriend covered her mouth and whispered softly "Zip it."

Quickly composing himself Hunter gave him a grin, "Why yes dear sir we're here to absolve you of sin!"

He seemed quite happy as he jumped up from his bed, "Honestly I don't want to end up like Marley when i'm dead."

As cheerful as a school boy he darted for a door, "I need a minute to grab my coat and my shoes and not a second more!"

While he retreated into his closet Witch looked at Hunter confused, "What the hell are you doing, you know we can't help out Scrooge."

Witch felt quite uneasy as she recieved a smile from her man, "Why don't worry my dear, I have my own plan."

Several minutes later the door flew open as the wall collided roughly with the knob, and as Scrooge returned his smile dropped as he realized, "SON OF A BITCH I'VE BEEN ROBBED!"

They had taken everything including his jewelry cane, and even took his signature top hat, and on the floor in Hunter's handwriting there a crudley written letter sat.

As he held it and glanced it over he found it hard to breathe, 'Lesson #1: Better To Give Then Recieve!'

Scrooge's hands shook with rage as he read the letter twice, "So this is what I get for wanting to turn nice?"

Outside carriage-drawn horses marched down cobblestone streets, and every citizen passing by shared holiday greets.

That is until Ebenezer Scrooge stomped onto the scene in a rage, growling in animalistic anger like a beast in a cage.

Meanwhile on one such corner walked a man and his boy, who clutched a clutch this Christmas yet was still full of joy.

Bob Cratchet patted Tiny Tim on the head, but paused as his boss stomped by angerly with each tread.

"Why Merry Christmas Mr. Scrooge!" Bob Cracket exclaimed from his place, but didn't get the response he wished for as he was decked in the face.

Tiny Tim gasped as his father hit the ground, before Scrooge kicked away his crutch and he too soon went down.

"Ba-Fucking-Humbug" Scrooge sarcastically clowned, and with that went to find his nephew and burn his house to the ground.

Back in the alleyway the trio carried Scrooge's goods, while Hunter donned Scrooge's cane monicle, and his hat over his hood.

"I can't believe we just robbed Ebenezer Scrooge" Witch muttered in disbelief "Yeah and I thought this Christmas would be boring, man what a relief!"

Tank chuckled happily carrying Scrooge's bed and some sheets, "And now our ol' buddy Tank here has a new place to sleep!"

With his free hand Hunter happily fished out the heart, and pressed the button as they patiently waited to depart.

The familiar vibrations surrounded the three, and they soon were off to the present quite eagerly.

Back in the present Smoker stepped out of the church in town and his eyes widened at the sight of the ghost's corpse face down.

Cautiously stepping up to the woman in case something was amiss, he nudged her with his foot as he muttered, "Who the hell is this."

His question was never answered but many more arised as his friends screamed as they once again fell from the sky.

"Son of a bitch that hurt!" Hunter howled in pain, Tank cried weakly and Witch moaned, "Get the number of that train?"

"What the hell are you idiots up to-?" Smoker yelled distressed, "-And why wasn't I included" he added under his breath.

"Meh found a time traveling heart, nothing big" Hunter revealed, Smoker feeling quite jealous that Hunter thought it no big deal.

"You know Smoker-" Witch cooed with a jeer, "-We actually stopped somewhere else before we traveled back here."

"But its only for tonight" Hunter explained slightly sad, "Somebody better tell me whats going on before I get really mad!"

Suddenly a bundle in a blanket fell out of the sky, Hunter caught it and handed it to Smoker chuckling, "Now promise you won't cry."

"What the hell is this?" Shouted Smoker as the bundle shook lively in distress, "Welp we're off to bed, but we wish you guys all the best!"

Suddenly a toddler's head popped out and smiled at Smoker with glee, while the special infected stared shocked as the little girl shouted, "Weezy!"

Smoker firmly held Mini-Brat as his green tears fell like limes, and even though it was only for tonight he was thankful for the time.

Church bells echoed that Christmas morning as snow blew through the town, the sun was now on the horizon, and that ghost was still face down.

And as Smoker hugged the giggling toddler closer while the sun rose so bright, he whispered,

"Merry Christmas to all" "And twoo aww a gwood night."

_**Merry Christmas!**_


	14. Those Damn Yankees

_Author's Notes: To be honest I actually had this chapter written about the same time as my last chapter all those months ago. Not really sure why I never posted it. Oh well, sorry about the wait and enjoy._

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards Chapter 13

"Ow that smarts!" howled Hunter as Smoker travelled the stitching through his friend's legs in a monotonous pace, inside the very safehouse the survivors had laughed their asses off just about an hour ago.

"Quit your bitching, I didn't hear you cry this much when they were severed, or when your 'girlfriend' tore your arm off when we first met her." Witch blushed from her place leaning against the safehouse wall, and glared daggers at Smoker who paid her no mind.

Smoker visibly tensed as Spitter approached him, seemingly admiring his handiwork, "My my, I love a man who knows how to help a pal" he cooed and both gasped as Boomer pushed his way into Smoker's position and took up the sewing needle, "I can help a friend just as good as he can" he growled in a tone that was usually unlike him and plunged the needle deeply into Hunter's thigh.

Hunter gritted his sharp teeth in silent pain as Smoker attempted to push Boomer out of the way, "What the hell are you doing? Get out of the way before you jab an artery" he barked at his friend, but when the chubby grump refused to move Smoker quickly grabbed another needle and thread from the nearby medikit and went to work as well.

"Boys boys theres no need to fight over little o'l me" Spitter cried out dramatically and Hunter could only observe in fright as the two fought for control, crisscrossing needles multiple times in order to overshadow one another, one of them fighting for love and the other fighting for superiority, poor Hunter caught in the crossfire as the final threads were knotted and the two stepped back, "Done!" they yelled in unison.

Hunter struggled to push himself off of the blood-stained cot and as his feet touched the ground he immediatley realized he couldn't pulls his legs apart. Hopping around pathetically he glanced over at his so-called friends, "Gee...thanks guys" he attempted to offer in genuine thanks before falling to the ground face first.

Outside Jockey sat on Charger's shoulder, a somewhat bored expression on his ugly face as he watched Charger throw a ball to Tank, who would happily retrive it and begin the cycle again.

"Them cityfolk ain't as fun as I thought they be" Charger muttered, and Jockey grunted in disappointing agreement, "Yeah, they didn't exactly pass ar' test wit' flyin colors either. Maybe we should just axe em'." With a sigh Jockey shook his head, "Nah, they may be Yanks but they're still our own kin. We just need ta get them outta Savannah before they accidentally chop our legs off too."

Not wanting to take any chances Charger threw the ball extra far so that Tank was out of earshot, "Well why'd they all leave the north to begin wit'?" Jockey snapped a finger, "Thats it, the northern survivors! If we can force them cityslickers back to their fancy mansions our northern counterparts will glady wanna leave!"

Charger shrugged, "Don'know Jock, seems like a lotta work. Maybe we should just see if they wisen up a lil'." Suddenly the safehouse door burst open as Hunter frantically hopped out with his legs still sewn together before falling to his face once again. In the room behind him Smoker and Boomer both grappled each other, throwing angry fists as Witch and Spitter attempted to break them up.

"...Lets get'em the hell outta here" Charger whispered.

* * *

Back on the Savannah highway as the sun began to set Jimmy Gibb's stockcar strolled along at a steady pace, Ellis still in the driver's seat. In the back seat Nick lay on Rochelle's lap as he applied a cool compress on his various skid marks. In the passenger seat Bill iced his injured legs while everyone else walked beside the automobile with guns at the ready...except for Luis who was strapped securely to the hood of the car due to his medicated-induced hallucenations.

Popping open the glove-compartment Ellis grinned as he pulled out a pair of racing sunglasses, "Aww sweet, Jimmy Gibb's shades." Putting the shades on he put one hand on the wheel and his elbow out the window as he gave Zoey a charming smile while she walked beside him.

"Well heeello beautiful, your prettier then a flower in a cow pasture" he cooed, but didn't recieve the response he expected as Zoey shook her head annoyed and continued to ignore the boy.

Ellis pouted, "Hey darlin that ain't no way to treat yer saviors". Zoey subconsciously gripped the shotgun in frustration, "Saviors? If your idea of saving us is flying in like bats outta hell and crippling our oldest member then thanks a bunch ya hick!"

"Your welcome" Ellis chirped in ignorance, giving Zoey a cheeky smile as the college girl growled and quickened her pace ahead of the car. From the passenger seat Bill smirked slightly, "Hmn young love" he muttered silently and closed his eyes to take a quick nap.

Outside the car Francis trotted along next to Coach, "So you were a defensive lineman in college huh?" Francis questioned as the two engaged in somewhat pleasent conversation. Coach nodded, his guard dropping slightly even though they were in hostile territory, "Yep, coulda gone pro if I didn't injure my damn knee."

Francis attempted to stand up straighter and look important even though he was behind Coach's line of sight, "Yeeeep, I was a QB myself-" he began in a slightly cocky tone, "-betcha I coulda gone pro too if it wasn't for that damn conspiracy to get me cut" the burley biker growled and immediately called Coach's full attention, "Reeeally?" Coach asked mesmerized.

"Yeah, Timmy said I pushed him down on the sidelines and called him a 'buttface', next thing I know i'm getting canned. I've never used the word buttface in my life!" Coach raised an eyebrow, "Uh huh...and when was this?" "Kindergarten" "Ah" Coach muttered, his intrest dropping completely.

Suddenly the blood collectivly drained in each of the southern survivor's faces as a wretched howl echoed through the orange sky, "Aww shit!" yelled Ellis as he glanced through the rear-view mirror to discover Charger with Jockey on his shoulder, doing exactly what his named implied as he closed in at full speed, followed closely behind by a moderately-sized zombie horde.

"Sweety get in!" Ellis yelled out to Zoey, grabbing her by the arm and attempted to pull her through the window only to meet with resistance, "What? N-no way, theres no room, we stand and fight!"

As if to prove Ellis's point the tattered frame of a car smashed beside her and Tank stormed onto the highway with all his menacing glory, "Still wanna fight?" Ellis asked the girl sarcastically.

"I-I uh-" she studdered but squealed as Ellis quickly yanked her through the window and onto the young man's lap. Francis and Coach wasted no time jumping onto the sides of the car as Ellis reved the engine. Zoey could see her reflection through Ellis's racing glasses as the boy smirked down at her, "Hold on tight babydoll" he cooed and Zoey couldn't stop herself from emitting an involuntary blush as she felt his breath tickle her forhead.

"Yeehaw!" Ellis shouted as he floored the gas pedal and reveled in the rush of air through the open window as they began to pick up speed. As they reached the 60 MPH mark Tank's sprint was reduced to a trot, and he was happy to know he had done his part as told, however Charger was even more determined as he picked up speed.

Francis gritted his teeth as he attempted to hold onto the door's frame with one hand, and fire his shotgun at the approaching monsters with the other. Firing off another shell the burley biker quickly pumped the gun upwards, expelling the empty shell singlehandedly and took aim once again, however he quickly hugged the car as it passed very close to an overturned bus, "Easy on the throttle kid, your gonna kill me!"

As the sun echoed a deep orange hue in the sky the stock-car blazed down the Georgia highway, however unbeknownst to them at an upcoming exit, Spitter and Boomer awaited the approaching car in anticipation.

"Alright darlin you remember the plan, we gotta make sure they turn off on this exit" Spitter grinned as Boomer attempted to control his blush, "R-r-right" he squeaked out and Spitter couldn't help by giggle, "Your a cute one you are, alright here they come" she stated in a sing-song voice as the duo breathed in deeply and expelled their various internal fluids all over the crippling asphalt.

"Aww shit!" Ellis cried out as he cut the wheel to avoid the liquids and was forced to take an exit that just so happend to lead to the Talmadge memorial bridge leading to Huchinson Island.

"Bingo" Jockey grinned, his yellow teeth glistening in the limited sunlight as Charger passed Spitter and Boomer, following the car down the off-ramp and towards the airport located a few miles away. However his grin turned into confusion as a Boeing B-52 wizzed overhead and out of sight, "The hell is the airforce still doing here?" he asked Charger who merely shrugged as they continued pursuit.

* * *

About a mile up the road Witch sat on a bus stop bench beside Hunter and Smoker, absentmindedly filing her claws as Smoker stomped his feet in frustration, "I don't get it, what the hell kind of prank requires us to lead the survivors to this Hutchinson Island?" he whined and Hunter shrugged unintrested, "All I know is that Jockey guy said it would be the 'master prank' or some shit, I don't know" he dismissed his friend's voice of reason and lounged back next to his girlfriend.

After several moments they heard the familiar V8 engine and all stood up to prepare for action, "Ok Smoker you know what to do" Hunter grinned and Witch shuddered as Smoker's long sticky tongue wrapped around herself and her boyfriend.

As the car wizzed by Smoker cast the two onto the hood of the car, but unfortunately as he attempted to unravel himself from the pair he got knotted up on Witch's arm and was forced to come along for the ride, skidding painfully across the pavement.

"Damnit!" shouted Witch as she attempted to pull the tongue off of her, but decided to ignore it for the moment and go back to the plan, which first began with her smashing the windshield, scaring the daylights out of the survivors inside.

"Hey you can't do that to Jimmy's car!" Ellis objected but it fell on deaf ears as Witch grabbed the steering wheel and wrenched it to the right, and Francis and Coach had no choice but to drop their guns onto the road as they clutched the car for dear life.

In the passenger seat Bill cocked back his magnum and aimed it at the pale woman, "Hunter, keep him off me!" she ordered and Hunter began to struggle for control of the gun as the car swirved widly left and right. Fearing she was losing her grip, Witch raised her claw up and shoved it deep into the car's hood.

Back behind the car Charger was able to catch up to the mangled up Smoker as he continued to be violently pulled through the unforgiving streets, "What the hell happend ta you, hahaha!" Jockey cackled unsympathetically as Smoker waved his hands frantically for help. "Relax friend, we just gotta get over the Talmadge bridge overlooking the Savannah river and then we're home free!"

The bridge came into view and revealed a beautiful view of the setting sun as the stock-car began its ascent upwards towards the middle of the bridge. However to the horror of everyone the aformentioned B-52 sped over the bridge and was followed seconds later by a brillant explosion that rocked the bridge's foundation and compeltely obliterated the middle section of the bridge.

As the car shook violently it was unwillingly being sucked into the hole as the car began its descent towards the gaping wreckage in the bridge, much to the despair of the occupants, "Shit, bail!" Francis shouted as he and Coach jumped off the sides, rolling repeatidly to a stop. Nick sat up from Rochelle's lap and the two wasted no time as Nick busted out the back windshield with a crowbar and the two slid off the back, both colliding painfully with the giant spoiler before being tossed like ragdolls onto the bridge's rough surface. In the commotion the binds that kept Luis secured unfastened and he flew off the speeding car with a delighted squeal.

"Witch come on!" Hunter cried as he clutched onto the hood of the car and looked over to his girlfriend with fear, "I can't free my claw!" she shrieked in a panic as she desperatly tried to pull the appendage from the hood. Back inside the car Zoey tried to scramble herself off of Ellis as the boy repeatidly stomped on the break pedal, "Son of a bitch, the witch must of severed the brake line!" he cried out and everyone gasp as they enclosed on the hole.

The world seemed to slow down as Hunter and Witch made eye contact, seemingly for the last time, and Witch gave a sad smile in understanding, "Hunter...go" she whispered and with a tear in his eye Hunter slowly nodded, "I'll always love you."

As the car plunged into the hole Hunter made a desperate leap for safety, passing Smoker midway as he too plunged towards the river below, and as he clutched onto the girders of the decaying bridge Hunter took a final look down at the car containing the damned souls of Zoey, Ellis, Witch, and Smoker.

"No!" a hunter screamed as the sun finally set below the horizion.


End file.
